I Am Such A SAP

First of all, I really want to addresss the fact that DEXTER IS BACK!!! I really love the show! I thought it was especially entertaining that Dexter had to go to a funeral home to arrange for the burial of his beloved wife Rita... Do you think the Dexter execs toyed with the idea of having his brother from Six Feet Under (which I also LOVED) come back as the funeral home dude? That would have been amazing.

If I were an English teacher (or TV Show analyst), I could have a field day with the meaning behind the FEELINGS on this show. Like....I was mad at Dexter for letting Rita die. I wasn't mad at Dexter for being a serial killer or for accidentally killing a non-killer - I wasn't even mad at him for wanting to "study" LITHGOW so he could learn more about how to be a serial killer with a family - I was mad at Dexter for not killing Trinity quickly enough save his wife!! Isn't that a good topic for discussion?

Biggest Loser also started this week. For some reason, I was reluctant to watch it - it took me until Sunday to make the commitment to watch the whole thing. I think the reason I was reluctant is how completely and totally SUCKED IN I get!! It seems that you need to have some sort of major tragedy in your life AND be fat in order to "make" the show now. It has gotten incredibly sad - the one lady whose daughter starved herself and had to be hospitalized because she didn't want to be "fat like mommy"? Or the little boy (slash big, fat 27-year old man) whose mother died last year from obesity and now he says he will NOT lose the battle with this disease! Obesity is crazy...and sad. Getting on BL is like winning the lottery to these people! I actually loved the people who came to the BL rallies just to be inspired to CONTINUE weight-loss they had already started on their own. And not only was it awful that the 3rd person in the little "contest to make the show" got shafted (although I'm sure they will get an opportunity to return), but the 1000 other people in the crowd don't get to be on the show. They need it! They are going to die!!

I can't believe the fat men all voted off the youngest woman instead of the oldest woman. And watching the women "race" to the flag to not be below the yellow line was insane! First of all, they didn't "stagger" the race, and the chicks on the outside were totally at a disadvantage. These people couldn't even run - what they called running was some sort of shoddy version of speed-walking. Of course, it would have made no sense to stagger the start when the "sprint" was about 10 feet long. Couldn't they have sprinted for 50 or 100 yards? Seriously??

On another note, OH MY GOD GLEE. I was looking forward to an appearance by Britney Spears, which I was led to believe was much more significant than a flirt with the Glee Brittany, and Glee proceeded to do everything that could possibly upset me!! First of all, the whole assembly scene with Jacob Ben Israel was quite possibly the most upsetting thing I have ever seen - the only thing that made it somewhat acceptable is that I sat next to a guy who looked EXACTLY like him in synagogue last week. The guy walked up to me (I was by myself in the row) and asked if the seats were available. I said yes (while quietly giggling to myself that this guy looked EXACTLY like someone I couldn't place) and he said, "GREAT! We're new here! I'm Jacob!" (Ok, maybe he wasn't Jacob but it makes the story better). I was speechless and just stared with a dumbfounded look on my face while he paraded his wife (who was WAY too attractive for a dude with that hairdo) and 3 kids into MY row. I didn't speak until the elderly lady sitting in front of me politely asked me to put her cane across the 2 seats beside me to "save" them for her children. SO....yes - I was surrounded in synagogue by Jacob and a cane. And I was sinning in my own head on Yom Kippur, giggling at the expense of another...

But can we address the teeth??? The blue stuff?? Is that real? YUCK!!! 63 cavities in one mouth? GROSS!! I am very upset about it and can't discuss any further.

I love the chubby black kid on DWTS - and The Situation is totally pigeon-toed!! He is the most pigeon-toed person I have seen since Tal Cohen (the Jacob Ben Isreal of Bugbee Elementary). I wonder if he was a total geek when he was a kid? That's all I have to say about THAT.

I love House

That might be a topic every week although, there is always a "love match waiting to happen" on any good show. Kate and Sawyer (although did the blonde chick win us over - obviously not since I can't remember her name and she died), Dr. Carter and Abby, Timberlake and Spears, Vinny and Snooki, George and Meredith Gray? Ok...so I can't think of any right now!! But House and Cutty definitely fit the bill. So I'm nto sure if them getting together is anticlimactic or maybe it's going to ruin the show, but for now, it was quite sweet and made me cry a little. While I thought it was nice when she kissed the big, nasty scar on his leg, I liked it even better that they took a bath together in Old Spice, Listerine and whatever else he had in his bathroom. I just love House!! But I need a new medical mystery next week - the love story will get old.

I DID catch a few performances on DWTS - and I have to say the only reason I was remotely interested was The Situation. Comments....Jennifer Gray never should have had a nose job. But, I kind of liked her. I loved the fat, black kid - why does black dance so much better than white? In keeping with that theme, they should NEVER let another white football player on the show - it is true - WHITE MEN CAN'T DANCE. Well, at least it's true of white football players. Palin was terrible, Cho actually wasn't bad but I have to agree with the judges that she needs to lose the joking. Hasselhoff sucked, Florence Henderson was weird (why do they always have to have a token "Old" on the show?) and Rick Fox is ridiculously tall but perpetuates the theory that black dances way better than white. But, of course, why am I even writing about the show?? THE SITUATION SUCKED!! And what I realized while watching him dance, even more than watching him on MTV, is that he is really fucking ugly. And it's really awkward to see him try to be cool in a Situation other than Jersey Shore (or Miami, for that matter).

I'm not sure if I can keep watching except I sort of love the train wreck of a Situation and I think the fans will vote for him. Will the fans vote for him? Is it time for Dexter yet???

THE SITUATION

Ok - so first of all, I had to train some people on "What is DNA" a few weeks ago - the chick from the "training department" asked me to come up with a game. So I adapted a tic-tac-toe game - we sell 3 different instruments, and I wanted the people to match up the instrument with different sales "situations" - each card had one of the instruments on one side and an X or an O on the other side. Then, I made a slide show with the different "situations" - I displayed the slide and they had to pick the instrument to match the displayed "situation". Needless to say, I, a National Sales Manager (that's right, I'm very important), decided to start off the slide show with a picture of THE "Situation" in a pair of his JAMS-like bathing trunks (I love that I just said bathing trunks), with his shirt off. The Europeans didn't really get it, but half of the Scientific Americans thought it was quite humorous!! I then took everyone out to dinner and proceeded to play a spirited game of "Who Would You Rather" with 2 of my employees and a few other women who are "below" me in the company. It was an OUTSTANDING display of appopriate management behavior, in my opinion. We have a rather large company so "Who Would You Rather" can be quite entertaining...

That being said, in the absence of The Bachelor, Bachelorette and travel, I haven't had much to say lately, but lucky for all of us, I saw a Jersey Shore marathon this weekend. I also just saw Snookie on Ellen - she told Ellen that she is actually very shy and (I quote), "I freakin'(or was it Friggin) like to go the Barnes and Noble and drink a freakin' cup of coffee and read!!!" Super!!

Here is my number one question which aggravated me to the fullest but also intrigued me and made me continue to watch the marathon all day Sunday. DO THEY REALIZE THE SHOW IS GOING TO BE ON TV???? Ronnie - Sammi is going to see you "MASHING" on other girls at the bar!! Sammi - (how the hell do you spell her name) - You should remind Ronnie that you will see whatever he did on TV in a few months!! Angelina - Jose is going to see that you smooshed Vinny after he treated you like his property! And my personal favorite ridiculosity - Snooki, JWOW - SAMMI IS EASILY GOING TO FIGURE OUT WHO WROTE THE NOTE!!! For crying out loud!!

The note, by the way, was absolutely ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as "The Smoosh Room". Or is it "Smush"? Did anyone see the scene when Ronnie woke up in the AM and traipsed around the house in his boxers, holding his hand over his dick to hide his morning hard-on? Yes, I know about such things... Did you also notice that the hard-on was NOT covered up for a brief few moments in the bedroom after he got out of Sammi's bed with a puzzled look on his face? I LOVE that Snooki says that Vinny has a HUGE "THING" - THING??? There are many words for that item - penis, cock, dick, package, schlong - is THING really the best you can do?

Unbelievable...I do love Jersey shore, but I am looking forward to a new season of EVERYTHING. Shana Tovah :)