Somehow, lately, I find myself saying, "Only in America" A LOT. In Sweden, almost every staircase is winding. One of my colleagues once said if there were a staircase like that in America, there would be a table at the bottom with lawyers seated, waiting for people to fall down the stairs and sue.
My inspiration for this? The "belated" birthday card. I might have missed a friend's birthday (ahem) so I was looking in the card section for LATE birthday wishes. Then, I remembered to look for "belated". Why so proper? It's RIDICULOUS!! At physical therapy, when they put heat on my back, they give me a little bell to ring if it gets too hot. Only in America. The extreme warnings on coffee cups - "BE CAREFUL OF HOT LIQUID". Only in America. The 9000 side effects of every drug during the commercials. You get the point...
I am so glad that Maaaahk and Dan fell below the yellow line. But, once again, Dan fucked up. A smarter person would have lobbied with the girls - don't vote me off and I'll team up with you two. But noooooo, PRIDE ON THREE had to win out. And the big fat guy, Roger, also stupid. Vote off a brother!! Now, if he falls below with a brother, he's screwed. AND, don't think the brothers won't turn on Roger in a heartbeat if he falls below. He's the only one who can beat them. These guys are IDIOTS. PRIDE ON THREE.
Monday, March 31, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Hamantashen and Circumcision...
Ok - is that how you spell circumcision? Tough one. I have the MOST bizarre experiences in my job. Being in the science field, the majority of my meetings are with Asians and Jews (in one network, not the other). So, I was meeting with this guy from Moffitt Cancer Center (one of the biggest cancer centers in the U.S.) and he was hurting my brain with all of his scientific questions so I decided to change the subject. Please picture this man - typical Jewish-looking guy. A bit pasty, glasses (Ray-bans, interestingly), yellow teeth, short and pretty big hair. ANYWAY, I was meeting with him on Good Friday and my head hurt from all of the science so I steered the conversation to Judaism, not knowing it was Purim.
First, we talked a bit about Hamantashen (the fruit-filled triangular cookies we Jews eat on Purim). Then, he told me that his wife is more religious than he is and that she converted. SOMEHOW, the conversation moved to circumcision. He was talking about his wife being pregnant and she is having a girl and I said something like, "At least you don't have to have a bris!" These little conversations, by the way, keep me sane in my line of work while leaving me with a story to tell my friends and also, help me to be successful - who wants to ONLY talk about DNA, right?
So, I was telling him (please don't forget what he looks like) about my conversation with my Swedish friends and how the Swedes don't circumcise. My friend couldn't understand WHY we circumcise in the U.S (it's a very hard word to write, by the way) and she just wasn't buying the "sanitary" explanation. So finally, her husband explained that the kids who aren't circumcised get laughed at in the locker room. She COMPLETELY understood this! Yes, I told this story to this man :)
His reaction? Well, he laughed and told me that he remembers the one kid growing up from the locker room and how weird he looked with his uncircumcised penis. RIDICULOUS. The next day, I got an e-mail from him....some of it was about science but a good 3 paragraphs were devoted to the various hamantashen flavors and the fact that his convert wife didn't do such a good job of cooking them! These moments are just priceless and I need a hidden camera or something!!
First, we talked a bit about Hamantashen (the fruit-filled triangular cookies we Jews eat on Purim). Then, he told me that his wife is more religious than he is and that she converted. SOMEHOW, the conversation moved to circumcision. He was talking about his wife being pregnant and she is having a girl and I said something like, "At least you don't have to have a bris!" These little conversations, by the way, keep me sane in my line of work while leaving me with a story to tell my friends and also, help me to be successful - who wants to ONLY talk about DNA, right?
So, I was telling him (please don't forget what he looks like) about my conversation with my Swedish friends and how the Swedes don't circumcise. My friend couldn't understand WHY we circumcise in the U.S (it's a very hard word to write, by the way) and she just wasn't buying the "sanitary" explanation. So finally, her husband explained that the kids who aren't circumcised get laughed at in the locker room. She COMPLETELY understood this! Yes, I told this story to this man :)
His reaction? Well, he laughed and told me that he remembers the one kid growing up from the locker room and how weird he looked with his uncircumcised penis. RIDICULOUS. The next day, I got an e-mail from him....some of it was about science but a good 3 paragraphs were devoted to the various hamantashen flavors and the fact that his convert wife didn't do such a good job of cooking them! These moments are just priceless and I need a hidden camera or something!!
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Ugh how could I forget...
CHIKEZE. He should NOT be on this show. Gay-boy should have beaten him out. Even when he is "good", he is still sweaty, gummy and awful. And I will NEVER get over the orange suit.
I have to say that I agree with Simon about almost everything. I HATE Brooke - she is so damn pasty. She does look better than she did at the beginning of the show but the yellow dress for "Here Comes The Sun" and the horrific dancing just makes me hate her more. AWFUL.
I wish the little Asian would just belt it out. And, I can't help but love dredlock. He is adorable. Was tonight the night for tight pants, or what??
I have to say that I agree with Simon about almost everything. I HATE Brooke - she is so damn pasty. She does look better than she did at the beginning of the show but the yellow dress for "Here Comes The Sun" and the horrific dancing just makes me hate her more. AWFUL.
I wish the little Asian would just belt it out. And, I can't help but love dredlock. He is adorable. Was tonight the night for tight pants, or what??
Monday, March 17, 2008
TV
I'm not sure how I feel about Monica Seles on Dancing With The Stars although I do have to say, that I may actually watch it. She looks ridiculous. And "deaf" is on it, too. Polite. So, she has advanced her career to DWTS and The L Word. Deaf has made some interesting moves!! And when did she win an Academy Award?? Oy. I don't know if I can watch this, even with Monica Seles. Do you think one of her competitors on the dance floor will stab her if she gets too close to winning?? J has asked me to tape this show for her. So, as it is getting ready to tape, the tv tells me that 2 shows will be taping at the same time which is ok, as long as I don't want to watch anything else at the same time. So I figured the conflict was with "Intervention" and it would be no problem because I could watch it while taping DWTS. But noooooo...the recording program was Little People, Big World. I am embarassed as to what our taping has become.
So, more importantly, shall I begin with BL or AI? I have yet to address AI at all, I think. I am SO glad "Skunk" was voted off as well as "hot but boring as all hell". I'm a little pissed that Stripper was voted off instead of that blonde chick (hard to tell all of the blondes apart). Is this the year of the bad hair or what?? The "rocker" boy has the worst hair ever and the gay guy who was voted off - what was up with his hair? And I am NOT including dred-lock in this synapsis because I kind of like his hair. I'm also not too pleased with some of the teeth, most notably "I'm Irish and I already recorded an album".
Anyway, I AM a fan of "I'm two but I had the best voice ever until I forgot the words last week. I must have blown my load on Imagine a few weeks ago". I'm also a fan of "dred-lock" who is adorable. And I like the black chick with the big hair who lost her voice during auditions but found her voice in time to belt out her final audition. And that's my take on AI, for now...
As for BL...I am SO pissed off that they let Maaaaaaahk back on the show. And, I can't believe those shoddy girls voted off Bernie, once again, ruining their SLIM chance to get rid of the boys. And Dan is such a moron - if he had any brains at all, he would have flipped over to the girls' side - if he ends up in the final four with those chicks, he could win the whole thing. But noooooo, he's siding with Maaahk and the Alabama guy who just turned into a DICK when his buddy was voted off. It's BS that they didn't tell us who was voted off last week so I guess we'll see what happens during the intro... All I can say is, despite Jillian's best efforts, black is HURTIN'.
So, more importantly, shall I begin with BL or AI? I have yet to address AI at all, I think. I am SO glad "Skunk" was voted off as well as "hot but boring as all hell". I'm a little pissed that Stripper was voted off instead of that blonde chick (hard to tell all of the blondes apart). Is this the year of the bad hair or what?? The "rocker" boy has the worst hair ever and the gay guy who was voted off - what was up with his hair? And I am NOT including dred-lock in this synapsis because I kind of like his hair. I'm also not too pleased with some of the teeth, most notably "I'm Irish and I already recorded an album".
Anyway, I AM a fan of "I'm two but I had the best voice ever until I forgot the words last week. I must have blown my load on Imagine a few weeks ago". I'm also a fan of "dred-lock" who is adorable. And I like the black chick with the big hair who lost her voice during auditions but found her voice in time to belt out her final audition. And that's my take on AI, for now...
As for BL...I am SO pissed off that they let Maaaaaaahk back on the show. And, I can't believe those shoddy girls voted off Bernie, once again, ruining their SLIM chance to get rid of the boys. And Dan is such a moron - if he had any brains at all, he would have flipped over to the girls' side - if he ends up in the final four with those chicks, he could win the whole thing. But noooooo, he's siding with Maaahk and the Alabama guy who just turned into a DICK when his buddy was voted off. It's BS that they didn't tell us who was voted off last week so I guess we'll see what happens during the intro... All I can say is, despite Jillian's best efforts, black is HURTIN'.
I'm Baaaaaaaaaaaaackkkk from Sveden
Ok - I've been trying to "catch up" since my return from Sweden. I have a lot to catching up to do - especially on TV!! But, I'll get to that in a second. First, I would like to discuss the "lie-down" room in Sweden, which I love (and used). It is a LAW that on every floor, there is a little room containing a cot - I think it's officially called a "first-aid" room, but I call it the "lie-down" room and I LOVE it.
I think it's somewhat unacceptable that employees are expected to travel 6000 miles (not exaggerating), lose 6 hours and somehow manage to work 10-hour days for the following week. It's especially difficult because the food (other than chocolate) in Sweden is terrible so, in addition to being exhausted and working ridiculous hours, we are malnourished. Which brings me to the toilet paper, or should I say SAND paper. The Swedish TP has one bumpy side and one smooth side. I have to say, I'm using the word "smooth" rather lightly, considering the smooth side is the sand paper side.
Other Swedish ridiculosities - the bathroom contains a shower with no "lip". In other words, the entire bathroom is a shower. There is a little bit of a "slope" in the shower area but it simply doesn't cut it. So, in some hotels, they provide a squeegee (sp?) for obvious reasons. In other hotels, like the one I was in this time, they just expect you not to enter the bathroom for a few hours after showering, I guess. Ridiculous.
I love the Swedes, though. The people are great and the chocolate is great and even though it's FREEZING, it's nice to visit a country so blatantly different from ours. And I'm not just talking about uncircumsized penises :)
I think it's somewhat unacceptable that employees are expected to travel 6000 miles (not exaggerating), lose 6 hours and somehow manage to work 10-hour days for the following week. It's especially difficult because the food (other than chocolate) in Sweden is terrible so, in addition to being exhausted and working ridiculous hours, we are malnourished. Which brings me to the toilet paper, or should I say SAND paper. The Swedish TP has one bumpy side and one smooth side. I have to say, I'm using the word "smooth" rather lightly, considering the smooth side is the sand paper side.
Other Swedish ridiculosities - the bathroom contains a shower with no "lip". In other words, the entire bathroom is a shower. There is a little bit of a "slope" in the shower area but it simply doesn't cut it. So, in some hotels, they provide a squeegee (sp?) for obvious reasons. In other hotels, like the one I was in this time, they just expect you not to enter the bathroom for a few hours after showering, I guess. Ridiculous.
I love the Swedes, though. The people are great and the chocolate is great and even though it's FREEZING, it's nice to visit a country so blatantly different from ours. And I'm not just talking about uncircumsized penises :)
Saturday, March 1, 2008
Blogging in Copenhagen
Wow - this airport is HUUUUUUUUGE. But, I managed to find a Starbucks. I think the milk tastes a little strange but I'm going to pretend not to notice that. When I tried to log-in to blog, everything was in Danish. I was flabbergasted. But alas, here I am!! If you ever fly through Copenhagen and you like to shop, schedule yourself a long layover. This place is ridiculous! I still don't get what is local here, though. I just want to get to my Swedish chocolate and gas-water.
I can't believe how much discussion I am having about water. For those of you who think my water-drinking ways are "wasteful", try coming to Sweden! Not only does everyone drink water from glass bottles (is that better or worse than plastic - I am SO not green...), but they drink water "with-gas" out of bottles that require a bottle opener. I LOVE the gas-water here. And the chocolate. And nothing else edible.
For the record....in my approximately 12 hours on "the road" so far, I have been addressed in roughly 9 languages, none of them English. I think Danish? Swedish? Who knows? I'm sooooo Nordic.
I can't believe how much discussion I am having about water. For those of you who think my water-drinking ways are "wasteful", try coming to Sweden! Not only does everyone drink water from glass bottles (is that better or worse than plastic - I am SO not green...), but they drink water "with-gas" out of bottles that require a bottle opener. I LOVE the gas-water here. And the chocolate. And nothing else edible.
For the record....in my approximately 12 hours on "the road" so far, I have been addressed in roughly 9 languages, none of them English. I think Danish? Swedish? Who knows? I'm sooooo Nordic.
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