How badly do you have to "go"?

Ok - so...you are in a Starbucks (which means people are drinking coffee, in the AM, which can definitely have laxative-like qualities... You decide you have to go to the bathroom and head over, only to realize there is a line. So you wait....and wait.....and wait. At this point, you are thinking if it's a woman, she could be powdering her nose (what the hell is THAT, by the way). There are so many excuses for a long visit to the bathroom by a woman - period, stain on the shirt, fixing the hair or makeup, popped a button in the boob area (no, that's never happened to me!) - and a few more. But, after a few minutes of waiting, a dude walks out of the bathroom...a BIG dude. And he's wearing a Starbucks apron and he is all tucked in appropriately. First question - do you go to the bathroom afterward or do you decide you can hold it? Second question - do you still drink your coffee? Just wondering...

My next little piece of commentary has to do with my "almost-flight" yesterday. So, I get on the plane - and might I add that I am getting a little pissed off about the lack of clout my "status" on United holds. Yesterday, I didn't have a seat assignment! Are you kidding me? I have STATUS!!! The only reason I haven't completely abandoned United is that they have started the automatic upgrades - seriously...ONLY reason. Anyway, they started boarding and my choices were to A - wait in the 9 hour line to get a seat (which had been assigned but not doled out yet - if me and my status didn't have a seat, can you imagine how many others didn't have one??) or B - board the plane with my "seat holder card" and piss off the boarding lady because she actually had to type before I got on the plane. Guess what I chose - yep! B - I innocently walked up to her, handed her my little NON-boarding pass and said, "I don't have a seat assignment - do I need to go over there?" She gave me a dirty look, said, "You SHOULD go over there" and then promptly processed my non-boarding pass and turned it into a seat assignment. Whew! It's not so much that I minded waiting in line but surely there would have been no overhead space left and I would have been PISSED if I had to check a bag.

Anyway, I got on the plane - it was a huge plane with 3 rows of seats - I was in the middle section, on the aisle, in the first row behind first class (status good for something!) - next to me were a brother sister combo, teenagers, and in the seats to my left were their parents. They seemed nice enough except the brother/sister were fighting about whether or not he should put his backpack up in the overhead. I was ok with this - I got to sit in a good seat next to young, non-smelly, regular-sized kids, right? And that was great until....brother decided to take his shoes off. And he had no socks on! (Is that worse? I think it's worse...) Sister's shoes were off too, but I wasn't as offended as I was by brother - really - his feet did stink. Airplane etiquette!!! Instead of the long, drawn out bs about security measures when you check in online, they should say something like, "Please make sure you shower and wear deoderant before boarding the plane. Please do not bring FISH on board. Even though nobody can hear you fart on a plane, don't do it! The space is enclosed and it is just mean to the people sitting beside you. OH - and if you decide to talk with the person beside you, do something about your breath - they didn't sign up for that just because they had to fly somewhere!!" Oh - I could go on, but that's ok for now, no?

Ok - one last thing...TOP CHEF. I haven't seen Hell's yet this week - but I am SO glad that the Howard Stern lookalike is gone. Seriously? You decided to cook dessert in your first Top Chef challenge, you look DISGUSTING and your teeth are yellow and I can't even discuss that hair, and you BUY puff pastry in the store?? Yep - it's worse than grainy chicken livers - I mean, really, chicken livers are nasty even if they are creamy - are they supposed to be creamy?? YUK. It seems like this season's cast is NOT attractive, in general, no? And why did they have to pick such a fat lesbian? She is both fat AND too fat to be that fat, right? But I'm still rooting for her - what can I say...she's family. I'm not sure if I can root for the flaming Nashville guy but again, family is family.