Firesnatch is GONE

Ok - so I've been a little lax again but of course, I must discuss my favorite show. And I think I have to discuss Mel!! Seriously? Did he say, "I bend over backwards with my balls in a knot"? Does anyone else think he sounds EXACTLY like The Joker (aka Jack Nicholson)? And why is he so out of breath from yelling at his girlfriend? What is wrong with him???? If he ever makes another movie and anybody goes to watch it, I will be shocked and appalled. I may never go to the movies again. I may move out of America. Of course, I said I would stop watching AI if Kris Allen beat Adam Lambert and by the time the next season rolled around, I was on the edge of my seat, voting for Bowersox. Did Mel really say, "You should just smile and blow me"???

On a totally different note, I ran into my middle school English teacher today at a restaurant. This was how the conversation went:

ME: Hi!! (give her a hug while thinking WOW, you got old...)
ET: It's so good to see you! First seat, second row.
ME: You remember where I sat 20 years ago?
ET: Yes. I can't remember anything else, but I remember where all of my students sat.
ME: Wow.
ET: You were such a good writer...and so smart.
ME: Well, I am in the Science field now. But you should read my blog (just kidding)
ET: (face fallen) But....
ME: Don't worry - I am always very insistent that my colleagues send me emails with proper grammar.
ET: GOOD.
AWKWARD SILENCE
ME: Ok - good to see you! Nice bib!!! (Yep, she was wearing a lobster bib).
THE END...

I also need to discuss a plane incident before I forget - happened on my way back from Utah (Mormonville). So...I sit down on the plane next to a young guy and, to my dismay, he has a banana with him. I think banana eating is unacceptable plane etiquette, even for people who like bananas - I happen to be a person who really HATES bananas. I hate the texture, the smell, the sound people make when they chew them and I especially hate the post-banana-eating peel that remains. On a plane, what is a person to do with the banana peel? In this case, he threw it on the floor of the plane, under his seat. I was in shock but I thought maybe I was mistaken. Then, about 20 minutes into the flight (I had actually fallen asleep), he WOKE ME UP so he could go to the bathroom. Seriously, he couldn't make it more than 20 minutes? He got up and I looked down - to my horror, beside my purse (dangerously close to touching it), on the floor under his seat, was his banana peel. I was beside myself. I was going to pick it up but then what?? So the guy comes back from his first trip to the bathroom (yep, there were 2 more), and as he heads back to his seat, he looks down and sees his banana peel. I thought he was going to do something appropriate - WRONG - he leaned down, picked it up, and proceeded to throw it further under his seat. At least it was away from my purse. Are you kidding me???

We landed in Atlanta (from Salt Lake City) and I raced to get on my next plane. I head to my middle seat toward the back of the plane (no status on Delta), and I plop myself down next to a guy in a Hawaiin type shirt with a passport around his neck. It was HOT on the plane and we are being urged to board quickly so we can get the hell out of Atlanta and back to DC. So, I board quickly and find my seat, only to hear the announcement that they need to change a tire on the plane and we will be delayed for a bit. Really??? Change a tire? I'm sorry - don't planes operate with wings??? Yes, I know we need to roll to a takeoff and landing but really? So, we have to sit on the plane while they change the tire. It is at this point that I discover the man beside me absolutely REEKS. Like, enough that I spent the entire flight resting my head on the shoulder of the guy on the other side of me (who didn't reek). Of course, I peek at the dude's passport around his neck because no American is wearing a passport around his neck in Atlanta and I see the guy is from El Salvador. I know nothing about El Salvador - I don't even really know where it is (Central America?) - but I now hate all people from El Salvador and I think they all reek. Seriously - this was bullshit. I made it home...

Back to Ali - I stand by my assertion that she is not going to end up with any of these guys - I knew Firesnatch was gone but seriously - he brought her to the house with the dead animals hanging everywhere? Yeah - THAT was going to go over well. Of course Ty went home - there was no way in hell Ali was going to go meet the parents who were living in the 20s with the stay-at-home mom who cooks, cleans, irons, etc. for the dad. That is SO not Ali who (lucky for her) left Jake in order to go back to her cushy job at Facebook. But that's another thought for another day. Firesnatch was SO out.

Cape Cawd has got to be the most boring tv "star" EVER. He is the reason they let people like marblemouth and the Canadian cheater-dude on the show. He seems like a very nice guy but is it possible for him to be ANY more boring? She is SO not going with him - I can't understand why she is keeping him around - maybe they are supposed to keep one bore to make it interesting, like Jake with Tenley. And speaking of which (don't worry, I WILL address the Jake/Vienna interview), why do they keep giving away that Frank is going to break it to Ali that he has a girlfriend or something?? I really don't think he actually HAS a girlfriend, but who is the chick they showed ONCE and never again and what is the big "Ali, we have to talk in Tahiti" scene? Here's my guess - he was engaged, things "went bad", and that's why he moved home with mom and dad. And why the hell was Frank wearing a girly wifebeater under a hideous brown sweater-set on his hometown date? That was BIZARRE.

Roberto is still HOT and he was even HOTTER in his baseball uniform and Ali SHOULD pick him but they never pick the HOT one over the controversial one. I am thinking she is going to go with Frank and get screwed but ugh - Frank is so nasty - and Roberto is SO HOT.

Ok - what the hell is wrong with Jake??? And how come nobody noticed it until he was a total asshole to Vienna on that bizarre interview with Chris Harrison? I'm not a Vienna fan and I'm still not a Vienna fan and I was never a Jake fan but woah!!! I wonder what would have happened if he had picked Tenley!! I apparently was SO WRONG about Jake picking Vienna with his dick because apparently, he refused to kiss her or have sex with her after the first 2 weeks of their relationship. And he didn't dispute that fact!! Jake is SO gay, I was SO right about it and he has anger issues. Perhaps he should get together with Mel Gibson? Or maybe Ed, not that he is also free to follow his gay-ness? How amazing would it have been if Jake had said, "Vienna - your job was to just SHUT UP AND BLOW ME!!!!" And did anyone catch the little tidbit about the dog not being "potty-trained"? Jake - it's called house-broken. And yes, we DO want to hear about the dog pooping all over the LA apartment.

Jake is the worst. Vienna is the worst. Chris is a bore. Frank is trying WAY too hard and might also be gay. Roberto is HOT. And Firesnatch is gone...