I HATE BL and Brad and Emily are going DOWN

And if Mike Isabella wins Top Chef, I might throw up. I absolutely hate BL this season - maybe it's too many damn parent/child pairs. These parents are the assholes that let their kids get this fat. And now they are just so ready to "fall on the sword" for their kids. They are so full of shit!! The only weigh-in black lost was the one they threw, for their kids. Their kids need to lose the damn weight!! And most of all, I HATE Dairy Queen's mother. She is the "house mother" and everybody just loves her. She is a selfish bitch who owns a gym and let her daughter get over 400 pounds - are you kidding me?? And now she is a hero? And if she wanted Arthur to stay, she could have picked herself for the red team, where she would have been voted off, and Arthur could have stayed on black and stayed. I hate it! It pisses me off!! They shouldn't let parents on anymore if this is how it's going to be. I hate those damn brothers who gained a thousand pounds so they could go home when a million fatties are home wishing they were taking a "journey" on the ranch. I also hate this part of the show bcause they are getting closer and closer to my weight and I can't justify sitting in front of the show eating up a storm.

And one more thing - I love the fact that Bob and Jillian are kicking Unknown Ass. They have all the "skinny" girls against the huge dudes and they are crushing them at weigh-ins (unless the ashole parents are throwing the weigh-in). I love that when people switch to B&J, they start losing more weight. The boxing just isn't cutting it, UNKNOWNS!! And have you noticed that they are never in the commercials? It's always Bob, Jillian and Sammi - love it!!

Brad and Emily are SOOOO boring but it was blatnatly obvious that he was going to pick her from pretty early on- I was hoping for Chantal but it just wasn't happening. I love that Emily has turned out to be a bitch "after the final rose". I love that she nixed the "reunion show wedding" and that she can't handle watching Brad make out with the other chicks. She is NOT the sweetie they made her out to be!! And what kind of a person leaves her little fatherless kid to go on the Bachelor? How does Brad not see that?? And, oh by the way, why couldn't Neil Lane appropriately size the ring???

Did anyone else notice that Brad's twin brother is way hotter than Brad?? I kind of love that.

I'm pissed that Carla went home - but at least she didn't do it for somebody else's shoddy cooking techniques. I really think Tiffany has GOT to go - I like her, but she sucks. She has no chance to win, so let's get down to Richard and Antonia and get it on!!

I'm sorry I haven't been traveling much lately - I don't have any good stories!! Don't worry....they will be back.

Did anybody see "Heavy" with the midget?? AWKWARD!! WINNING!!!

I'm slightly devastated that the Bachelor is over and I'm slightly devastated that Chantal has a boyfriend and we won't get to see her as the B-ette. Could it be Michelle? Another terrible mother? If Giant Forehead gets the call, I might not be able to watch it. Of course, I said that about Ali, and about Jake. Maybe they will bring Vienna back!

I promise to watch Bachelor Pad this time around - I hear it is QUITE the show...

Headaches suck, by the way.

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Ok - I am VERY upset that Robbie (Robby?) Rosen was sent packing. I had no idea they were sending everybody home on day 1!! My disappointment is ALMOST allayed by the fact that the flaming tomato and CLINT are gone - I'm so glad Clint is gone!! Those GLASSES!! But I really think Robbie should have made the cut. Is it me, or is there some kind of Latin/Gospel flair to this season's top 13? Is that the J-LO contribution?

I HATE Steven Tyler as a judge. First of all, and I know this is a serious stretch, but he reminds me of Dr. Sloan - does anybody see that? He has that casual, slow voice thing going on. He makes NO sense and he is WAY too nice as a judge. I didn't think it would matter all that much, but I seriously miss Simon. And I am happy that the cleaning lady made it through, but not at the expense of Robbie!!

I guess I am firmly in the corner of Casey and Tourets with room for big-assed Lauren. I think she actually might win but if she goes down the country road, I am NOT going to be a fan. I HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE the deep voiced dude, probably because I HATE HATE HATE country music. It's AWFUL! I love that they compared Lauren to Pickler and she had the grace not to be appalled publicly - good move, kid!! I sort of love Stefano also, and not because he is the namesake of Days of Our Lives greatest villain, but because he is adorable and has a good voice. But he took Robbie's spot!! Oy.

Anyway - TOP CHEF!! I love it! Can Antonia pull it off? Can Carla pull it off? Can somebody please send Mike home? He just strikes me as dirty (kind of like Alex on Grey's). There has been a lot of attention spent on his burping and farting and spitting - yuck!! I don't think Tiffany has a snowball's chance in hell of winning but I still like her - I just want a woman to win!! I think Antonia has the best shot -she has been kicking ass lately. And why didn't they bring her daughter to the Ellis Island reunion? And the Bahamas? Really? Is that the best they could do? What is "Bahamian cuisine" - CONCH? (AKA CONK)?

I haven't watched any more Survivor yet, and I am behind on this week's BL episode and this is the week I HATE when it comes to the Bachelor. Screw the "women tell all" - tell me who he picked!!!

OOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKKKK - it's nice to have my shows back...where are the fans??

Of course!!

I am watching American Idol - you know I am a sucker for that show. I don't really care that Simon isn't a judge - I was APPALLED by J-Lo's crying fit when she had to send home "I'm staying with my brain-damaged fiance because I'm a good guy." Ok - I get that it was sad and depressing and you had to do the right thing for the show, but CALM DOWN, J-LO!! This isn't about you!!!

My early favorites and people I love to hate - I hate the little Asian guy who kicked the fat kid out of his group and wears GIANT glasses that make him look challenged. I HATE the deep voiced country singer - I hate all country singers. I'm totally torn about the guy with Touret's syndrome - he clearly has a great voice but he's slightly creepy, no? I hate the pale girl who didn't make it a couple of times and has now finally made it on the 3rd try. I totally hate the tall black guy and I HATE the flaming carrot-top lookalike. DRAMA QUEEN!!!! And why did they keep the poor little fat kid so long? He would have been EATEN ALIVE, but I was kind of into the kid with the "flip" and the acid-washed black jeans (or were they jeggings) who was beat out by carrot top. I like the blonde chick, Lauren, maybe? I like Julie Z, mostly because her name is Julie and I LOVE the base-playing dude. And finally, I HATE that big black dude who burst into tears after his rendition of whatever gospel song it was. I thought I liked gospel singers until I met him (Jacob, is it?) Ugh - I can't bear the thought of watching his giant, wet mouth screeching all season. AND I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE Robbie Rosen. Is that his name? I love him - he has a giant mouth and a giant nose but he has a fabulous voice. Carrot-Top is also a Jew - why so many Jews on Idol this season?? OH - and I LOVE beer. Just because - I thought I'd throw that in there...

It is Bachelor night!! God I LOVE that show. Terrible, you should be happy that Shawntel (but not Chantal) has been eliminated. Of COURSE he couldn't deal with the funeral home - ridiculous!! I can't believe Ashley with the GIANT forehead is still hanging on - and I think they are all playing for 2nd place - he is SO going for Emily. But what was the weirdness with him not kissing her with the daughter upstairs - seriously?? That was such a "therapy-Brad" thing to do, wasn't it?

I hate the Unknowns - and the Unknowns SUCK. The only weigh-in they have won is when the "parents" threw the weigh-in so Arthur wouldn't have to go home and he ended up "pulling" a big number, anyway. I HATE martyr parents. Especially since they let their kids get to be that fat in the first place - NOW you are gonig to play the martyr? PULEEEEEEZ. I can understand the parents wanting to go home ahead of the kid if the choice HAS to be made (as opposed to Helen's move a few year's ago, sending her daughter home - unacceptable), but throwing the weigh-in is ridiculous. That awful Dairy Queen/Gym Owner mother who let her daughter get to be 5000 lbs when she OWNS a gym makes me absolutely sick. I HATE her. And look at which one of the martyr parents ended up not going home? She's already skinny enough to leave - let that annoying old black man stay and help Arthur with his "journey", for crying out loud. HATE HER. Do these people realize how many fat people are at home, wishing they were still on "the ranch"? At least Rulon wants to be there, even though he and his partner are ridiculous and annoying. I just love Arthur - I can't help it. He has the biggest pussy-Joe I've ever seen. And he made the dumbest "game-play" move I've ever seen. But I love Arthur anyway - maybe it's just because his name is Arthur...

I hate the new boxing is everything trainers - it ain't working, Unknowns!!! I love that Bob and Jillian are kicking their asses with a bunch of "skinny" girls and Arthur and Arthur's annoying dad. And I hate the way the Unknowns work out with their people, like to show off the skills. Or are they too lazy to get in a workout before or after training their team, so they have to do it alongside them? I am not spending my quality time to watch 2 "world-class trainers" work out - stop showing off!! I'd rather watch you climb all over the equipment while the fatties try to lose some weight...

I think all of the "annoyings" from Top Chef are gone. Scratch that - "Mikey" is still there. He is hideous! The big, wet, yellowish teeth and the burping and farting just make me not want to eat his food! And I think he is a chef in DC. Hmmmm.... I am totally into Carla and Tiffany and Antonia (I wonder why) - ok, so I'm rooting for the chicks! SO??!!! I like women in power. I'm glad Angelo is gone - he is weird even though he seems to be a good chef and I am tired of Richard Blaise and his liquid nitrogen. Enough, already!! Why is Antonia so good? I love it!! I'll be siked if any of the chicks win but I sort of think it will be Blaise.

Surviv-uh. I have to watch because Boston Rawb is back. At some point, I MUST address that ridiculous black man in his underoos. Why the underoos?? I just don't understand!! I love that Rawb already screwed over the innocent blonde churchy dude - I don't have much else to say except....I will be watching!!

Is anyone watching Shameless? It is aptly named, and I love it.

Inspiration

How can I not feel inspired? The Bachelor is on again, and there is SO much to talk about here, even though the Bachelor is incredibly boring. The Biggest Loser is in a new season and there are "unknowns". American Idol has started up, although I have yet to see it, and there MUST be something to discuss. Hoarders. Hanna. What more can I say there? And, of course, I spent last weekend with my favorite friends, and my weekend with them has caused my blogging shoddiness to change in the following ways.....MANY.

Before I hone in on my favorite TV shows, I feel it is necessary to relay the experience I had last night in the DC snowstorm. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?? I left my office at 430ish, as the snow was just beginning to fall. I thought I would make it home (it's about a 40 minute drive) before any REAL snow started to fall. I was right, for the most part - I made it home at 11 PM, and there really wasn't any significant snowfall at that time, maybe 4-6 inches. HOWEVER, it took me over 6 hours to get home, involved a pull over to the side of the road to pee in the woods, and I ended up parking my car in the shopping center up the street and walking the rest of the way.

What was the problem? Well...the main problem was the trucks that were stuck in the MIDDLE of the highway. The main part of the problem (between 18 miles from home and 14 miles from home, which took roughly 4 hours) was a "gaggle" of trucks, 4, that were stopped in the middle of the highway. I believe one of them was stuck. The others, I think, were trying to fuck over the rest of us. Once I reached the gaggle, I had to weave my way in between them in order to continue on my "journey" - (not to be confused with the BL journeys - my journey SUCKED). I then was able to crawl along the road at a steady 5 miles per hour (do the math) until I reached my final destination. Along the way, there were many cars that were stopped/stuck in the middle of the road, causing more weaving, but never one to the extent of the gaggle. My question is this - if you were driving a truck, and you knew that the tires SUCKED in the snow (literally 75% of the trucks I saw were stuck), why not get off the road when it starts to snow? You may ask yourself why I didn't leave work earlier so I could get home before the idiots hit the road - because I'm an idiot, myself. I didn't realize what these drivers are like!! You may ask yourself why I didn't pee before I left the office in anticipation of a long ride - again, I would refer to my previous statement declaring my own idiocy. You may ask what finally drove me to run into the woods on the side of the road, remove an entire pant leg in order to pee freely and in relatively shrouded view of the 9000 cars still on the highway - I can't answer that. My stomach hurt, my bladder hurt and I had tavelled 2 miles in 4 hours with no end in sight. There was no hotel in sight. I guess the final inspiration was the fact that I saw a "wooded area" where I could pee. Or maybe, in my mind, I realized that it would make a really good story. At any rate, I did it and I was SO happy that I did, even though I felt dirty and pee-ish for the remainder of the ride. What is the solution? Should I keep Depends in my car? At this moment yesterday, I was blatantly wishing I had a penis, no question, so I could pee into one of the many empty bottles of water I had stupidly drunk throughout the course of the day.

When I arrived at the shopping center and changed into more appropriate "walking clothes" (yes, I had packed a bag in anticipation of the snowstorm, thinking I might stay overnight near the office, but chose to take the ride instead), I discovered that I couldn't find my underwear. Where could it be???

Switching gears, let's please discuss the Bachelor. I did not watch Brad's first season, so I don't have a frame of reference, but I find him to be incredibly boring. And his dedication to working on himself is admirable, I guess (down to having a "Los Angeles therapist" he calls buddy), but seriously? Does everyone else tire of hearing about his 3 years of intensive therapy? And have the 3 years of intensive therapy done anything for him besides make him incredibly annoying and patronizing? And FINALLY, can he send some of the ladies to his LA therapist? Surely the guy (buddy) needs additional clients, and I feel like there are a few candidates among his current women.

And on to the women - ok...Michelle is nuts!! But, I kind of feel like she is less nuts than they are portraying - I think if I were on the Bachelor, I would totally be pulling the same shit in my interviews. Of course, I would be joking/playing it up for the cameras (with the fist pumping and gang signs and punching my fist into my open hand to simulate crushing all of the other girls), but I kind of love her antics. I also have to admit that I kind of love that Brad loves her. She is attractive (not to be confused with the other crazy, Ashley, who has quite possibly the biggest forehead I have ever seen with the exception of Ben Affleck), and I'm not sure I would have been able to rappel down the side of the building in order to secure the love of Brad.

My biggest issue with the ladies is the constant complaints about him spending time with other women. Did they not realize this would happen when they signed up for the show? The only one who actually admits she realizes she signed up for it is Chantal, not to be confused with Shawntal (or whatever, the funeral director), which is why I like her the best. I think he is going to pick her or Michelle, and not the Barbie they are all afraid he loves. I just read that Michelle is a "homewrecker" and had an affair with a married NBA player before coming out for the Bachelor to declare, "HE IS MINE". If the therapy has worked, he will pick Chantal. If the therapy has not worked, he will pick Michelle. If the therapy has turned him into some kind of a saint, he will pick Barbie, I mean Emily. Emily has a VERY sad story but, once again, snoooooooooooore. She will likely be the next Bachelorette, after Brad picks Michelle or Chantal, but I think she might be too "Southern", which can generally equate to boring or stupid, which might hurt her chances to be the B-ette. I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!

Ok - I have to sign off - I will get to BL and Top Chef - I promise to be a better blogger. Being a blogger with fans has changed my life in the following ways....MANY.