Inspiration

How can I not feel inspired? The Bachelor is on again, and there is SO much to talk about here, even though the Bachelor is incredibly boring. The Biggest Loser is in a new season and there are "unknowns". American Idol has started up, although I have yet to see it, and there MUST be something to discuss. Hoarders. Hanna. What more can I say there? And, of course, I spent last weekend with my favorite friends, and my weekend with them has caused my blogging shoddiness to change in the following ways.....MANY.

Before I hone in on my favorite TV shows, I feel it is necessary to relay the experience I had last night in the DC snowstorm. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?? I left my office at 430ish, as the snow was just beginning to fall. I thought I would make it home (it's about a 40 minute drive) before any REAL snow started to fall. I was right, for the most part - I made it home at 11 PM, and there really wasn't any significant snowfall at that time, maybe 4-6 inches. HOWEVER, it took me over 6 hours to get home, involved a pull over to the side of the road to pee in the woods, and I ended up parking my car in the shopping center up the street and walking the rest of the way.

What was the problem? Well...the main problem was the trucks that were stuck in the MIDDLE of the highway. The main part of the problem (between 18 miles from home and 14 miles from home, which took roughly 4 hours) was a "gaggle" of trucks, 4, that were stopped in the middle of the highway. I believe one of them was stuck. The others, I think, were trying to fuck over the rest of us. Once I reached the gaggle, I had to weave my way in between them in order to continue on my "journey" - (not to be confused with the BL journeys - my journey SUCKED). I then was able to crawl along the road at a steady 5 miles per hour (do the math) until I reached my final destination. Along the way, there were many cars that were stopped/stuck in the middle of the road, causing more weaving, but never one to the extent of the gaggle. My question is this - if you were driving a truck, and you knew that the tires SUCKED in the snow (literally 75% of the trucks I saw were stuck), why not get off the road when it starts to snow? You may ask yourself why I didn't leave work earlier so I could get home before the idiots hit the road - because I'm an idiot, myself. I didn't realize what these drivers are like!! You may ask yourself why I didn't pee before I left the office in anticipation of a long ride - again, I would refer to my previous statement declaring my own idiocy. You may ask what finally drove me to run into the woods on the side of the road, remove an entire pant leg in order to pee freely and in relatively shrouded view of the 9000 cars still on the highway - I can't answer that. My stomach hurt, my bladder hurt and I had tavelled 2 miles in 4 hours with no end in sight. There was no hotel in sight. I guess the final inspiration was the fact that I saw a "wooded area" where I could pee. Or maybe, in my mind, I realized that it would make a really good story. At any rate, I did it and I was SO happy that I did, even though I felt dirty and pee-ish for the remainder of the ride. What is the solution? Should I keep Depends in my car? At this moment yesterday, I was blatantly wishing I had a penis, no question, so I could pee into one of the many empty bottles of water I had stupidly drunk throughout the course of the day.

When I arrived at the shopping center and changed into more appropriate "walking clothes" (yes, I had packed a bag in anticipation of the snowstorm, thinking I might stay overnight near the office, but chose to take the ride instead), I discovered that I couldn't find my underwear. Where could it be???

Switching gears, let's please discuss the Bachelor. I did not watch Brad's first season, so I don't have a frame of reference, but I find him to be incredibly boring. And his dedication to working on himself is admirable, I guess (down to having a "Los Angeles therapist" he calls buddy), but seriously? Does everyone else tire of hearing about his 3 years of intensive therapy? And have the 3 years of intensive therapy done anything for him besides make him incredibly annoying and patronizing? And FINALLY, can he send some of the ladies to his LA therapist? Surely the guy (buddy) needs additional clients, and I feel like there are a few candidates among his current women.

And on to the women - ok...Michelle is nuts!! But, I kind of feel like she is less nuts than they are portraying - I think if I were on the Bachelor, I would totally be pulling the same shit in my interviews. Of course, I would be joking/playing it up for the cameras (with the fist pumping and gang signs and punching my fist into my open hand to simulate crushing all of the other girls), but I kind of love her antics. I also have to admit that I kind of love that Brad loves her. She is attractive (not to be confused with the other crazy, Ashley, who has quite possibly the biggest forehead I have ever seen with the exception of Ben Affleck), and I'm not sure I would have been able to rappel down the side of the building in order to secure the love of Brad.

My biggest issue with the ladies is the constant complaints about him spending time with other women. Did they not realize this would happen when they signed up for the show? The only one who actually admits she realizes she signed up for it is Chantal, not to be confused with Shawntal (or whatever, the funeral director), which is why I like her the best. I think he is going to pick her or Michelle, and not the Barbie they are all afraid he loves. I just read that Michelle is a "homewrecker" and had an affair with a married NBA player before coming out for the Bachelor to declare, "HE IS MINE". If the therapy has worked, he will pick Chantal. If the therapy has not worked, he will pick Michelle. If the therapy has turned him into some kind of a saint, he will pick Barbie, I mean Emily. Emily has a VERY sad story but, once again, snoooooooooooore. She will likely be the next Bachelorette, after Brad picks Michelle or Chantal, but I think she might be too "Southern", which can generally equate to boring or stupid, which might hurt her chances to be the B-ette. I LOVE THIS SHOW!!!!!!

Ok - I have to sign off - I will get to BL and Top Chef - I promise to be a better blogger. Being a blogger with fans has changed my life in the following ways....MANY.