STILL HATE usair

Ok - I have made the move to gate - I am now listening to a conversation of a very small man (who apparently is in the army) flirting with a Brazilian who is on the verge of boarding her flight back to Brazil (what is the POINT???) AND, what the hell is she doing in Raleigh-Durham??

But, really, now I've moved because they called my name and changed my seat which is why I don't hate UNITED. So now, I'm listening to two more strangers talk - the guy is telling the girl about his job in "fiber-optics" and she has already admitted she has NO idea what he is talking about but he continues to use the fiber-optic lingo while she sits there, bored out of her skull, thinking, I have to listen to my HUSBAND talk about this shit at home and now I have to listen to a stranger!! Ugh - I want this damn flight to take off!!

Ut oh - Gotta go - I think I'm first class...

I HATE USAIR

I have soooo much to say and I don't know where to begin. It's a funny thing about traveling...I'm sitting in the airport bar, FINALLY. It's 630 PM, my flight was at 455, I was hoping to get the 140 into Reagan and now I'm on the 454 to Dulles (yes, I did say that it is 630). The 454 is not taking off until 7. Supposedly. And it's a United flight even though I was originally on USAIR. I thought I was being a savvy traveler (which I was accused of being by the usair chick, they are now lower-case) but I ended up getting screwed. And I want to talk about it but I won't forget about it while I will forget about the Asian chick sitting beside me with the blatantly gay guy across from her who just mentioned his "wife" and is shamelessly kissing her (Joyce the Asian) ass. This just came out of his mouth (please insert gay man voice), "Don't burn your bridges(th)...." I also just noticed, as if I had any doubt in my mind, that he is drinking white wine (not that there's anything wrong with that). Joyce, on the other hand, is drinking some sort of dark beer. I love it.

She also has a trace of an accent which suggests she wasn't born in America. Now, being in the science world, I see lots of "not from America" people. In fact, some of them speak their own language. For example, my Swedish colleagues speak "Swenglish". My former Chinese coworker speaks "Liyinglish". Which, by the way, is my favorite!! This chick beside me is Liying gone right. (I can use Liying's full name because it is the name of approximately 97% of Chinese women - polite). Anyway, Liying moved to America, has a couple of sons, worked in a lab but now has started her own company and somehow STILL has managed not to speak acceptable English and has used her American status to put on a few pounds. In addition, she still plays the role of Chinese wife to her husband, doing all of the cooking and cleaning and raising of kids while still playing the role of American wife, starting her own business. In other words, she has embraced the worst of both worlds...

Joyce (my neighbor here at the bar), on the other hand, has the best of both worlds. Her English has but a trace of a Chinese accent. She obviously has changed her name. I have heard enough of her conversation with the flaming ass kisser to know that she is the VP of whatever company she basically runs. She has held on to her slim frame, is wearing sneakers (another appropriate American embrace or is it a Chinese carryover?) and is drinking a dark beer. I LOVE her.

usair (lowercase), on the other hand, SUCKS. But, I'll have to discuss that later because I have to leave and pretend that I'm boarding my UNITED flight to Dulles.

RTP is soooo normal

Hi everyone -

I haven't had the patience to sit down and address the latest BL but I do have to say that my favorite BY FAR (well, except Betty Sue who fell off the treadmill but got back on and finished her workout) is the black Alabama football player. I have a love/hate relationship with Paul whi has this "matter-of-fact" attitude about eating his 900 calories of corndog and STILL not winning the 5K. I also LOVE Jillian even more - "You ate it for $5000??? If you need $5000 so badly, why did you leave work for 4 months?? Go back to work!!!"

I also can't believe they don't let the people call their kids every night. I really do respect the sacrifice these people are making. They essentially go to "spa", but they aren't allowed to talk to any spa outsiders while they are pampered into losing a shitload of weight.

I am in North Carolina today and it is RAINING. You guys wouldn't believe these hospital "complexes" I visit. It's ridiculous. But, I do have to say as I walk around these places, that I am earning my $$ and I do deserve spa after watching sick kids, cancer patients, veterans and every other sad person who doesn't deserve to be sick walk around these places. I am currently listening to a screaming kid - I don't know if it's because she is sick or just a screaming kid but, being in a hospital, I just assume sick.

It's a lot easier to be funny blog in the FAT memphis airport than the confines of UNC Children's hospital. Tonight, I will have dinner with the CHI who is actually a customer. He doesn't work on my kind of head disease but he is sooo unnerving. He is one of those people who looks at you with these eyes that I swear can see directly into my soul. I might as well give him a copy of the chart from my CHI's office AND my CHOL's office - it will save him the trouble of having to look through my eyes to get to my soul. OY.

Crazy People

Does anyone remember that movie with "Arthur" and "Splash"? I was just thinking about it - why didn't "honest advertising" stick? The movie was hilarious and everyone loved the ads. I also can't discuss the movie without mentioning the "hello" guy. Hello I'm glad you like my movie. I'm hungry Hello How Are You. LOVED him.

What commercials are the best these days? I can think of a few I love - has anyone seen the Budweiser ad where the guy comes into a bar, sees a beautiful woman, and gets all excited to walk up to her and buy her a beer? BUT, when he does - she gives him a huge smile and is missing a front tooth. I love that commercial. I believe the slogan is "Things aren't always what they seem". I do have to say, as a dog owner, that the "BAAAAAAAAAAAAACON, BACON, BACON, BACON, BACON, BACON" commercial for Beggin' Strips is the most accurate commercial I have ever seen. Our boys are SO that when they see the bag of Beggin' come out!

You know what commercials I hate? Well, there are many. Besides every Peyton Manning commercial, I hate the commercials for drugs. "Who does depression hurt"? The worst part about that one is the poor dog who is being neglected because its owner is depressed. Or the erectile dysfunction commercials. First of all, who would DO these commercials? It's appalling and ridiculous. Or the sleeping pill (Rozerem, I know very well because I have tried it and it SUCKS) with Abe Lincoln and some other random historical figures. What the hell does that commercial mean?

I wish the Crazy People commercials had stuck. Instead of "Who does depression hurt" with the 9 hour list (quietly) about the side effects, maybe something like, "I tried Prozac and it sort of worked but it made me fat. I also tried Lexapro but for some reason, it gave me hives. Some of the other meds make it difficult for me to pee. But, with my chemistry, I have found that I feel better when I take 'Debatril', and I don't get fat!! Debatril, the anti-depressant that doesn't make ME fat".

Or, "You may wonder why ANYONE would do this commercial. Well, quite frankly, since I started taking 'BONagra', I need the extra money to pay for the prostitutes I am visiting to meet my insatiable sexual needs. I sometimes get headaches but I don't care about the headaches because I can get it up again!! And can you believe this?? My doctor says it's a BAD thing that my penis was hard for 36 straight hours..."

Just a thought - maybe not in life, but in commercials, honesty really IS the best policy...

No Bluebird :(

The amazing thing is that Ken Doll actually e-mailed me, himself, to tell me that they are going to "hold off" for a while on purchasing our wonderful product. Even more amazing (or maybe not, maybe explains how he ended up in OK) is that he said they have alot going on. TWO WORDS, KEN. A LOT. Oy. The only thing worse is a person who confuses to, too and two. Or uses "should have went". But the director of blah-blah-blah who looks like a Ken doll and pulls the strings on big-money instrumentation?? He should OF went back to school for grammar lessons (even worse than should HAVE went). Oy - biotech is a tough industry for former English majors.

The Phlebotomist

Is it ridiculous that I can spell phlebotomist but not Jillian? It's not that I can't spell Jillian but it's like Chanuka, Hannukah, Channukah, Hannuka....many different possible spellings. Could be Gillian, or Jilian (ok, maybe not) - anyway - it still looks funny.

I am such a selfish blogger. I just realized that, when I go to write a new entry, there is at LEAST a page worth of bloggage items I can do on the login page. I have never (still haven't) even scanned the items - I just click on "post new blog" or "new post" - see, I don't even know what it says!! Anyway, back to MY life...

So, I had blood drawn today. This world is so ridiculous. People get paid a shitload of money to run some ridiculous business (McDonalds) or to write a godawful book (Harry Potter) and yet, people like teachers, nurses and yes, phlebotomists are underpaid. NOW...while I do think teachers should make much more money, I am even more disturbed by nurses and phlebotomists being underpaid and under-trained. Because they stick needles in you!!

So today, I go to the blood-letting lab to get blood drawn. I am greeted by 2 under-qualified phlebotomists who also work the desk. Apparently, it's normal to be a receptionist SLASH phlebotomist. SO, I sit and wait as the 3 or 4 people who were there when I arrived were taken back to have their blood drawn. Then, the 3 or 4 people who arrived AFTER me are called back. While I am sitting there, noon comes and goes.

Apparently, the lab is closed from 12-1 for lunch. But, they aren't bright enough to put up a sign to this effect and, since this place is a "walk-in" type of a place, people come up to the door and try to open it. And, it's locked. And then they start knocking. And most normal people in a waiting room (which is clearly visible to the knocker) will get up and open the door. Until...the phlebotomist/receptionist shouts, "DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR". But, it's too late and she explains to the lady with the 2 babies in a stroller that the place is closed for lunch and she'll have to come back at 1. When she kicks her out the door, I politely tell her, "You should put a sign on the door". Brilliant, isn't it?? Although, maybe not brilliant in this case, since this was the woman who would be drawing my blood.

SO, I think I hear ON THE SPEAKER PHONE, my doctor's voicemail. Then I hear the receptionist butchering my doctor's name to somebody on the phone. And it's not a hard name to pronounce. So, I walk up to the desk and ask if there is a problem (like one that would cause me to sit here for over an hour, and watch everyone else go back to get their blood drawn, including the screaming 2-year-old but I'll get to her in a minute). She says she needs my doctor's account number - I'm thinking this is so they can get paid but no, just so they have somewhere to send the results. They don't get in touch with her (surprise surprise) but I convince them to draw my blood anyway. Maybe not the best move.

Meanwhile, the 2-year-old is still in the back. She is this cute little asian girl (of course, most Asian girls are little, with the exception of the one on Biggest Loser last season although she is little now...) and she is waddling around because all 2-year-olds waddle and why??? Because they wear diapers!! This is a painfully obvious fact to most, but apparently not to phlebotomist/receptionist. So she says to the dad, "Do you need to take her to the bathroom?" And the dad says, "I don't know". And she says, "Well, does she need to empty her bladder?" And the guy looks at her incredulously and points to her butt and says, "SHE WEARS DIAPERS". Smart.

She was still back there, SCREAMING, when I went back to have my blood drawn. The phlebotomist/receptionist (this is an exhausting title to write over and over) starts tapping my left arm and then jams the needle in and sits there for about 5 hours. Ok, 5 minutes. And then she starts wiggling the needle and massaging my arm around the needle (I am about to throw up writing this) and then asks me if I have had any water today. I tell her NO, since I wasn't sure if I was supposed to fast or not. She then informs me that my blood is coming REALLY slow and she may have to stick me again. About 3 hours later, (ok, 3 seconds), she disgustedly removes the needle from my arm and tosses the quarter-full tube off to the side while she prepares another syringe. Keep in mind, this lady is a BL candidate and it is lunchtime - she is NOT happy.

So, I suggest she try the other arm. She says no, I'll just go further back on this one. Then, she decides to take a look at my other arm (2-year old still screaming) and realizes I have a much better vein in this one. So, she "sticks" the other arm, fills up the tube in about 4 seconds and is done. I say, "WELL, that hurt a lot less". And she replies with, "Sorry...I should have used a smaller needle".

I am going to throw up now... I left, with the baby no longer screaming, but still in the "back room".

Biggest Loser is BACK

Ok - first of all, how did Archie Bunker make it onto Biggest Loser and not age a day since All In The Family was on? I was very disappointed with his effort but he was so right about the fact that his daughter is the one who blew it for them. I was thinking they were going to vote out "I'm-a-fat-Fat-Camp-counselor-but-I'm-still-fat" because they have some fight in them and they're young enough to win some challenges but they aren't much of a threat as 2 women who aren't particularly large. On the other hand, Archie Bunker could have developed into a threat.

I definitely have to amend my initial choice of favorite from, "We-want-to-lose-weight-before-our-son-realizes-we're-fat" for a couple of reasons. First of all, she's not even that fat. She also bitches a lot about how lazy the husband is, and then he carried them at the first weigh-in. I am definitely against the brothers since the brothers were so successful on the last show. And I love the Alabama football players, especially the black guy who was thrilled by everybody's weight loss and also pulled off a huge number for himself.

I can't believe I'm taking this long to reveal the obvious favorite, Betty Sue and daughter. Is her name even Betty Sue? I LOVE that she SUCKED in the first challenge and gave up, ended up with flaming Bob when any halfway intelligent person would pick the chick (whose name I refuse to write because I don't know how to spell it), and then lost a shitload of weight and DIDN'T lose in the challenge with the hot air balloons (or whatever the hell they were). But, her assessments of Flaming Bob are amazing - something about squashing him like a little gnat and I love that he loves her and does not yet know that the only reason he has her is because she SUCKED in the opening challenge and got STUCK with him.

Anyway, as I was watching the Biggest Loser tonight, I was thinking how much thinner these people are than the solo contenstants. I couldn't figure out what it was because at the first weigh-in, they really didn't weigh much less than the other contestants (except I-have-a-lazy-husband-and-I'm-too-thin-to-be-on-this-show). Then, when I flipped back to "I Eat 33,000 Calories Per Day" on Discovery Health and watched them remove some guy who hadn't left his bed in 10 years by removing his wall (and NO, I was not watching Jerry Springer), I realized why the contestants looked so thin.

So, I have to shift gears because I watched a good number of "Big Medicine", "The Half-Ton Man" and whatever other show was on DH with morbidly obese poeple and after catching the end of the "Intervention" marathon yesterday, I have to say that the enablers of the morbidly obese are MUCH worse than the enablers of the drug addicts. First of all, the drug addicts can walk and breathe. They are stealing laptops out of cars to pay for their crystal meth habits or prostituting themselves to pay for their crack. The obese people can't get out of bed!! SOMEBODY IS FEEDING THEM.

And I don't buy the excuse of the guy who feeds a bucket out the window with money in it (in Harlem, no less) to pay the delivery person who then deposits 9000 orders of ribs into the bucket. Because, who is giving him the money? He CLEARLY isn't working. And he isn't going to the bank to cash his check. This one guy has about 10 people cooking for him around the clock although I was impressed that he did get up out of bed (for the first time in 10 years except for Thanksgiving) when his niece wouldn't bring him his food. He then proceeded to sit down at the table of the "food he eats in a day" which was APPALLING and, according to the announcer, waited approximately 2 minutes before he dug in. It was pretty gross. BUT, this guy had lost 200 lbs and was down to 700 so he is a bit more mobile than he used to be.

I do believe that food is an addiction and the obese people can't control themselves from eating and I feel for them - they are clearly miserable. BUT, once they reach the point where they can't get out of bed, the enablers need to cut them off!! Somebody needs to start "Intervention 2: The Food Addiction".