What a bunch of babies!!!!

OH MY GOD. What a bunch of fucking babies!! First of all, I love the promo, making it look like one of the "brothers" cheated on his wife in Vegas. NOOOOOOO....not them - they went to bed early, ate nothing, drank nothing and then proceeded to lose no weight. Well, at least Maaaaaaahk didn't. And Dan totally screwed them by getting BL of the week - they absolutely would have voted him off in a haaaaht-beat if he wasn't. CRY CRY CRY.

I can't believe how much crying was going on! I just don't want to leave my brother... How old are you? TWO? You are a grown man. Zit tits is 31?? He's YOUNGER than me?? Oh jeez - he's crying again. Why didn't he just vote for Roger and let black decide?

Oh - why didn't they take their shirts off this week? Did somebody notice the zit tits? Just a thought. Later, Maaaaaaahk. I think somebody forgot to tell him it is NOT a Soap Opera.

Um - did anyone tell them that the "Pride" tattoos might be misconstrued as GAY PRIDE? I love that these boys are leaving campus with "pride" tattoos - and only one of them is clearly gay!!

Water Snob

When did it become so difficult to find an "acceptable" bottle of water? When I was a kid, I just used to drink from the water fountain. Now, it's too "tinny". After college, I was Britta. Now, I'm too lazy. I switched almost exclusively to bottled when I moved to DC, which you HAVE to do in DC. Even the boiled water tastes bad. But now...

For some reason, DC doesn't really have Poland Spring, which is definitely the best bottled water. Incidentally, for those of you who think I have nothing good to say about Mass, it is SO Poland Spring and I love that. Plus, you can drink tap in Mass. So, in DC, I'm almost strictly Smart (Smaaaaaht) or Ethos (Starbucks) water with the occasional influx of Deer Park, only IF NECESSARY.

What's annoying is that the Starbucks in the airport doesn't carry Ethos, they are almost strictly Vasa. And Vasa is UNacceptable. Some airports, in a more than acceptable move (especially since I'm generally not paying), are now carrying Smart water. Besides the fact that Smart was invented by a Colgate grad, it just tastes better. And, Ethos is "green" - or at least I think it is from reading the bottle once, a year ago.

I HATE Evian. That's what started the water snobbery. It tastes "thick". Gross. Ever try to drink "no gas" water in Europe? WUH. So, I'm also Perrier or any other "with gas" water I can get my hands on. I tried Fiji, which is expensive, but still pretty gross. Dasani, which isn't really bottled water, is actually pretty good. Zephrillis - WUH.

What started all this? I'm in the airport, thirsty in North Carolina, and all they have is VASA. And I was so discouraged, that I ordered myself a latte instead (iced). Then, when I walked past another store which had Deer Park, I couldn't accept it. I am ONLY Ethos or Smart water today, apparently. And what's even more ridiculous? I drink the tap water at restaurants. Why does that taste ok?

I can't discuss BL because I am SO pissed off that they voted off Paul, who is BY FAR the heaviest black team member. And does his EX-wife have marbles in her mouth or what? I used to be a Brittany "fan" until I saw the smug look on her face when she voted off Paul. Um - you are an IDIOT. You should have voted off Fat Camp who has the most annoying "face" I have ever seen and who has never lost more than 6 lbs. Why would you vote off Paul. Do you WANT to lose to zit tits and his brother, who now weighs LESS than Fat Camp?? Ugh...

Travelin' again

Is it bad that I go back and read my own blog from time to time? Mostly, I am checking to see if anybody makes comments, but I also have to make sure I am not making any grammatical or spelling errors and maybe, just MAYBE, I crack myself up a little.

I am so tired. I have been sleeping even worse lately. I know, it's hard to believe, but I have been switching medications and since I can't go off of ANYTHING without experiencing the equivalent of heroin withdrawal, I have to take both for a little while. When I take new and old at the same time, I get too "activated" and I really can't sleep. As opposed to before, when I could sleep a couple of hours here and there. Anyway, it SUCKS and I'm exhausted, causing me to do ridiculous things.

First of all, why do scientists have such bad breath? They can chew gum just as well as the rest of the world. And usually, we are leaning over each other in close proximity - CHEW SOME GUM. Bad breath is awful.

So today, I was in the airport, getting ready to fly to NC, and I had a bite to eat at the airport restuarant. As I was eating, I had my computer on (no, not blogging...sorry). I finished up, left the restaurant and boarded the plane. When I got on the plane, I realized I didn't have my computer. SMART. I had left it sitting on the bar at the restaurant. So, I went up to the flight attendant on the tiny plane and told her I had left my computer at the restuarant, could I run out and get it? She looked alarmed and said, "Of course!" So I started sprinting off the plane when I hear, "We can't hold the plane for you!" POLITE. The airport is small - the furthest I possibly could have gone is about 20 feet. The flight is about 14 minutes long, itself and I was already alarmed. I paused, turned back in disgust, and then continued running to the restaurant, leaving all of my stuff on the plane for her to contemplate when she slammed the boarding door in my face.

Of course, none of that happened. I returned to the restaurant to find my computer calmly sitting where I had left it, in between the 2 guys who were sitting beside me when I left. My plate still had not been cleared - maybe they thought I was coming back since I had left my computer there! I grabbed the computer and ran back onto the plane, making it with roughly 4 hours to spare before the door closed. Ok - I'm exaggerating a little but jeez, couldn't the flight attendant have been a little nicer??

Ready to Re-visit BL

Having Xinaeve back to commenting has encouraged me to get back to active blogging. First of all, Orange mother/son (now son only) are not from Mass - they are SO midwest. And I completely agree about the +3 lbs. It should NOT count against the weigh-in the following week. Ridiculous. I have a few more things to say.

First of all, how is it that Jillian is still kicking Bob's ass when she has the WORST team ever assembled in BL history? Bob SUCKS. And, Bob is an asshole and a sore loser. If Bob were smart, he would have encouraged Dan (motherless son) to team up with Alabama football and get rid of the Masshole brothers. And, I hate to address this but, has anyone noticed that, in addition to carrying his weight SO much worse that his asshole, stress fracture older brother, Maaaahk's younger brother (whose name is escaping me) has ZITS on his TITS. Or, his tube boobs. Even Trent, who weighs about 100 lbs more than zit tits, carries his weight better. WUH.

I can't believe they voted off Trent - he was so cute and BY FAR my favorite and there for all the right reasons. And, I can't believe Maggie (Fat Camp survivor whose hair is way too long) lucked out with immunity. I KNEW she would "pull" a small number because she is the opposite of Trent - she doesn't give a SHIT about losing weight, she's all about the game. Did you see those giant earrings she wore to the weigh-in? They could have been the difference!

As much as I love Jillian, I have to say that I am a little put off by the excessive counseling occuring on this show. You are a TRAINER, not a therapist, for crying out loud. The show is about fat people losing weight - we don't need to hear about their issues. Perhaps they could focus more on how getting fat can cause you to have ZITS on your man TITS instead of how your parents' divorce can lead you "straight to the fridge". I really did not need to see these people having their therapy sessions, either. While I was glad that Jillian finally brought in a professional, it's none of our damn business that bald ex-husband had "sessions" with his dad. It's awful. I'd rather see him cry about his ex-wife's boyfriend sending her kisses.

Finally, can you believe how obnoxious Maaahk and his excessively taped shin was to Sami tonight? Ok - we know the rest of the contestants think he's an asshole (which makes it completely baffling that they didn't vote him off tonight and shows Dan and Alabama's stupidity) but for him to snap at Sami for trying to appropriately host the show?? He is SUCH a Masshole. Although, I do have to give him credit for "pulling" the numbers when he needs them... As opposed to his little brother, you know, ZIT TITS.

OOPS Missed My Flight

It's a shame when I am late for my flights because I don't get to "blog from airport" and there is SO much material in airports. For example, I was behind this guy in the security line who was such a "belly cincher". Now...what is the proper method of pant maintenance for a man with a gut? Over, under or smack in the middle? Over makes him look like he has a "pussy-Joe", under makes him look pregnant. But, in my opinion...right smack in the middle is by FAR the least acceptable. It just leaves nothing to the imagination and it looks so damn uncomfortable!! I am a fan of "below" - sorry, boys, but pregnant is the way to go.

What a day. I am in Atlanta, which is such a hustle-bustle of activity. This airport has way too much hustle-bustle. And angry travelers, but I'll get to that later. This morning, I met with a guy from Africa who is doing research on (shocking!) Malaria. He had roughly 5 teeth. But, he is very nice. On the other hand, he had terrible breath. Oh, and 3 of the 5 teeth were buck. NOT a good combination.

My "big" part of the day was the meeting I had with 2 people who had traveled 3 hours to Atlanta to see an instrument in action before they buy their own (hopefully). They are now in the process of driving to Nashville, where they want to see another instrument. They are driving. I am flying. Polite. But, I missed my flight so it should even out. And, they were two of the most uninteresting people I have ever met - I am thrilled that I won't have to sit in a car wtih them!!

One of the people is this lady whose last name is "Peace-something". I have been calling her "Peace-on-Earth". I also checked out her picture on their website and I thought she had short hair. It turns out that her hair was "up" in the picture I saw and it was just the bangs that I thought were her entire head of hair. Essentially, she is the lunch lady reincarnated. "Business in front, party in the back". In other words, she did not have a good look going...

SO, my flight was at 5:11. I got stuck in traffic and didn't make it to Avis until about 430. But, I was able to check in at 440. Then, I went through security (where I saw "cinch-man") and raced through the airport to make it to my gate. Of course, I had eaten NOTHING since my bagel at 9 this morning so I was pretty hungry. The entire "run", I was debating whether or not to stop for food and risk missing the flight. In the end, the latte won!! When I arrived at the gate, of course the LAST gate in the terminal, I looked up to discover I had been upgraded. Then, I looked down to see that the boarding door had been closed. OOPS! It was within the 10 minute window but clearly they jumped the gun a little and we missed the flight. They gave our (me and the other 2 ANGRY flight-missers) seats away - apparently, Nashville is quite a popular place to go today.

I was ok with the whole situation as Nashville is less than an hour from Atlanta (by plane) but the angry businessmen were NOT ok with the situation. They were PISSED. Both of them were on their phones to Delta, demanding that a "redcoat" be sent to the desk. What the hell is a redcoat? Then, the poor woman who had slammed the door in their faces came back out to face their wrath directly. They GLARED at her nametag and both reported her to the person on the other end of the phone while she stood there, impasssively typing away on the computer (what DO they type, anyway?). Finally, they were rebooked on the flight that was one hour later and then I approached the "redcoat" who was, in fact, a huge black man NOT wearing a red coat. He booked me (not angry) on the same flight and all was well. Until I boarded the flight to find one of the angry men seated next to me. I commented that we only had to wait an hour and he said, "Yeah, but I was in first class on the other flight" to which I replied, "So was I but it was only an hour - how much could you drink in an hour?" to which he replied, "It wasn't about that...my legs don't fit in these seats". PULEEEEEEEEEEEEZ. It's a freakin' hour. ADJUST. Do you think my 10+ surgically repaired knees are comfortable in the seats?? Of course, Vicodin is extremely helpful in such a situation.

I also had another quite enjoyable moment today with my customer who is a Network member. She is not the pregnant Network member, but the "fine line between Southern and Network" variety. Anyway, we started discussing "Peace-on-Earth" and she said to me, "I thought she was family". WUH!! She is SO "family-who-doesn't-admit-to-being-family-so-mentions-her-husband-every-other-word-and-wears-her-hair-in-mullet". Just an aside.

I'm in Nashville now. I definitely deserve overpriced room service in my overpriced hotel!!

Insomnia SUCKS

I'm not sure if you can check the time of this entry but believe me, it is an unacceptable hour to be awake. Is there anything worse than sleep deprivation? Before you answer this question, think about 2 things. First, the Nazis and other war "prisoner-holders" used sleep deprivation to torture their prisoners. Second, think back to the movie, "A Clockwork Orange" and remember when they prodded the guy's eyelids open with toothpicks for torture? It tortured me just to watch it. In fact, I'm thinking that movie might have led to my insomnia!

Those of you who may wonder how I have time to write this blog, work and have a life...well, it's not just about extreme efficiency. Not sleeping leaves a person with a lot of time on her hands. And what better thing to do with that time than make my friends (and some people I don't even know) laugh a little.

You know what I really hate? I hate when people try to advise me on how to treat the insomnia. I have been to every doctor in the book, had acupuncture, biofeedback, hypnosis and probably other shit I don't even remember. I have tried every sleeping pill in the book. The best one BY FAR, by the way, is Ambien. But, sleeping pills don't really work. They help you fall asleep because they cut back on the anxiety associated with knowing you have insomnia AND, they affect your short-term memory. SO, you will fall asleep and when you wake up, even though you may have woken during the night, you won't remember that you did, so you think you slept. That would explain why people wake up with a "hangover" after taking a sleeping pill.

Also, have you heard about the people who "sleep-eat"? It's ridiculous. Basically, they wake up in the middle of the night after taking a sleeping pill and go down to the kitchen and pig out. The next day, they find the evidence of the sleep-eating but don't remember anything. Ringing endorsement for sleeping pills, isn't it?

I HATE the commercials (yes, I know we've been through this before). Rozerem, the one with Abe Lincoln and other weird historical people sitting at the guy's kitchen table - I don't even get it. But I do know one thing. Rozerem SUCKS as sleeping pills go. The worst.

I also hate the people who suggest things like a warm bath or a warm glass of milk (YUK) or soft, soothing music. My latest regimen consists of listening to my hypnotist's cd made the last time I saw her followed by (if I make it, which I usually do) a cd of waves crashing on the shore of the beach. I usually fall asleep to the waves but not tonight!! Tonight, I made it through both and then took a sleeping pill before coming downstairs to write this. As you can tell, the sleeping pill is working wonders!!

Sleep deprivation SUCKS. Tomorrow is going to SUCK. Oops, I mean today.

The Airplane Bathroom

Yes, I know I will not be the first to write about the TERRIBLE bathrooms on airplanes but I was on a flight last week and I noticed some new "nuances". Of course, the bathrooms are miniscule and it is AWFUL if there is any turbulence when you are trying to pee and the "sink" is ridiculous and somehow you have to hold the lever down while you are washing your hands (yes, I know too much about airplane bathrooms). I also feel like the flushing of the toilet is going to suck me right through the toilet and out the bottom of the plane into oblivion. Where DOES it go, really??

But, I was noticing a whole new situation last week. I got onto the plane and was seated beside a woman who had been traveling for work (as most people on planes on the weekdays are). There is much to say about this woman who was very nice but just seemed a little edgy. She reeked of alcohol and actually bought a Heineken on the plane ride which I definitely respected. She was attractive, well-dressed, well-spoken, etc. but she just seemed a bit out-of-sorts. Maybe she doesn't like to fly. Or, maybe she doesn't like Tampa. Maybe it was just a bad day. But, she went to the bathroom immediately after the seat belt sign was turned off (I always wonder about those people - I am always trying very hard NOT to use the bathroom and they seem to be thrilled for the opportunity). She also went again later in the flight, after her beer...

After she returned, I realized the impossible. Now, I am not a big skirt-wearer in general although a skirt has been known to grace my body when I am in warm weather and can wear some sort of open-toe shoe, but I definitely would not wear a skirt on the plane because it is just too damn cold on the plane and too much walking in the airports and I REFUSE to be skirt/sneaker in an airport. So, I always wear pants on the plane. Now this lady was not only wearing a skirt, but she was wearing STOCKINGS. I never wear stockings. I haven't worn a pair since I went to a wedding with my parents and my dad told me I had a run in my stocking. It was actually one of the scars on my knee (TERRIBLE, I know, but a great excuse to never wear stockings again). I'm pretty sure stockings are OUT these days, anyway, so my not wearing them is actually quite acceptable.

Now, please imagine this poor woman in the airplane bathroom. First, she has to pull (roll?) down her stockings below her knee. This has to occur while she is standing up, but not bending over far enough to allow ANYTHING to touch that disgusting toilet "seat". Then, she has to lift up her skirt and, while holding up her skirt with one hand, she must hold the sink or that bar in the bathroom (yes, I know too much about airplane bathrooms) so she can effectively perch/hover above the toilet seat. Once she is done, does she stand up to wipe, risking drippage into aforementioned stockings? Or, does she let go of the "bar" and risk losing her hover status - she HAS to stand up. Then, she somehow has to pull up the stockings with the skirt still pulled up but avoid letting the skrit hit anything in the bathroom, especially the toilet seat to which she has now undoubtedly added some of her pee. And pulling up stockings in an acceptable bathroom is hard enough without getting a run or having the top part roll over or so many other possible scenarios. The fact that this woman returned to the seat within an hour is amazing. The fact that she went to the bathroom twice?! I'm thinking she is either a masochist or a smoker. Or a compulsive lipstick applier?