The Airplane Bathroom

Yes, I know I will not be the first to write about the TERRIBLE bathrooms on airplanes but I was on a flight last week and I noticed some new "nuances". Of course, the bathrooms are miniscule and it is AWFUL if there is any turbulence when you are trying to pee and the "sink" is ridiculous and somehow you have to hold the lever down while you are washing your hands (yes, I know too much about airplane bathrooms). I also feel like the flushing of the toilet is going to suck me right through the toilet and out the bottom of the plane into oblivion. Where DOES it go, really??

But, I was noticing a whole new situation last week. I got onto the plane and was seated beside a woman who had been traveling for work (as most people on planes on the weekdays are). There is much to say about this woman who was very nice but just seemed a little edgy. She reeked of alcohol and actually bought a Heineken on the plane ride which I definitely respected. She was attractive, well-dressed, well-spoken, etc. but she just seemed a bit out-of-sorts. Maybe she doesn't like to fly. Or, maybe she doesn't like Tampa. Maybe it was just a bad day. But, she went to the bathroom immediately after the seat belt sign was turned off (I always wonder about those people - I am always trying very hard NOT to use the bathroom and they seem to be thrilled for the opportunity). She also went again later in the flight, after her beer...

After she returned, I realized the impossible. Now, I am not a big skirt-wearer in general although a skirt has been known to grace my body when I am in warm weather and can wear some sort of open-toe shoe, but I definitely would not wear a skirt on the plane because it is just too damn cold on the plane and too much walking in the airports and I REFUSE to be skirt/sneaker in an airport. So, I always wear pants on the plane. Now this lady was not only wearing a skirt, but she was wearing STOCKINGS. I never wear stockings. I haven't worn a pair since I went to a wedding with my parents and my dad told me I had a run in my stocking. It was actually one of the scars on my knee (TERRIBLE, I know, but a great excuse to never wear stockings again). I'm pretty sure stockings are OUT these days, anyway, so my not wearing them is actually quite acceptable.

Now, please imagine this poor woman in the airplane bathroom. First, she has to pull (roll?) down her stockings below her knee. This has to occur while she is standing up, but not bending over far enough to allow ANYTHING to touch that disgusting toilet "seat". Then, she has to lift up her skirt and, while holding up her skirt with one hand, she must hold the sink or that bar in the bathroom (yes, I know too much about airplane bathrooms) so she can effectively perch/hover above the toilet seat. Once she is done, does she stand up to wipe, risking drippage into aforementioned stockings? Or, does she let go of the "bar" and risk losing her hover status - she HAS to stand up. Then, she somehow has to pull up the stockings with the skirt still pulled up but avoid letting the skrit hit anything in the bathroom, especially the toilet seat to which she has now undoubtedly added some of her pee. And pulling up stockings in an acceptable bathroom is hard enough without getting a run or having the top part roll over or so many other possible scenarios. The fact that this woman returned to the seat within an hour is amazing. The fact that she went to the bathroom twice?! I'm thinking she is either a masochist or a smoker. Or a compulsive lipstick applier?