The Phlebotomist

Is it ridiculous that I can spell phlebotomist but not Jillian? It's not that I can't spell Jillian but it's like Chanuka, Hannukah, Channukah, Hannuka....many different possible spellings. Could be Gillian, or Jilian (ok, maybe not) - anyway - it still looks funny.

I am such a selfish blogger. I just realized that, when I go to write a new entry, there is at LEAST a page worth of bloggage items I can do on the login page. I have never (still haven't) even scanned the items - I just click on "post new blog" or "new post" - see, I don't even know what it says!! Anyway, back to MY life...

So, I had blood drawn today. This world is so ridiculous. People get paid a shitload of money to run some ridiculous business (McDonalds) or to write a godawful book (Harry Potter) and yet, people like teachers, nurses and yes, phlebotomists are underpaid. NOW...while I do think teachers should make much more money, I am even more disturbed by nurses and phlebotomists being underpaid and under-trained. Because they stick needles in you!!

So today, I go to the blood-letting lab to get blood drawn. I am greeted by 2 under-qualified phlebotomists who also work the desk. Apparently, it's normal to be a receptionist SLASH phlebotomist. SO, I sit and wait as the 3 or 4 people who were there when I arrived were taken back to have their blood drawn. Then, the 3 or 4 people who arrived AFTER me are called back. While I am sitting there, noon comes and goes.

Apparently, the lab is closed from 12-1 for lunch. But, they aren't bright enough to put up a sign to this effect and, since this place is a "walk-in" type of a place, people come up to the door and try to open it. And, it's locked. And then they start knocking. And most normal people in a waiting room (which is clearly visible to the knocker) will get up and open the door. Until...the phlebotomist/receptionist shouts, "DON'T OPEN THAT DOOR". But, it's too late and she explains to the lady with the 2 babies in a stroller that the place is closed for lunch and she'll have to come back at 1. When she kicks her out the door, I politely tell her, "You should put a sign on the door". Brilliant, isn't it?? Although, maybe not brilliant in this case, since this was the woman who would be drawing my blood.

SO, I think I hear ON THE SPEAKER PHONE, my doctor's voicemail. Then I hear the receptionist butchering my doctor's name to somebody on the phone. And it's not a hard name to pronounce. So, I walk up to the desk and ask if there is a problem (like one that would cause me to sit here for over an hour, and watch everyone else go back to get their blood drawn, including the screaming 2-year-old but I'll get to her in a minute). She says she needs my doctor's account number - I'm thinking this is so they can get paid but no, just so they have somewhere to send the results. They don't get in touch with her (surprise surprise) but I convince them to draw my blood anyway. Maybe not the best move.

Meanwhile, the 2-year-old is still in the back. She is this cute little asian girl (of course, most Asian girls are little, with the exception of the one on Biggest Loser last season although she is little now...) and she is waddling around because all 2-year-olds waddle and why??? Because they wear diapers!! This is a painfully obvious fact to most, but apparently not to phlebotomist/receptionist. So she says to the dad, "Do you need to take her to the bathroom?" And the dad says, "I don't know". And she says, "Well, does she need to empty her bladder?" And the guy looks at her incredulously and points to her butt and says, "SHE WEARS DIAPERS". Smart.

She was still back there, SCREAMING, when I went back to have my blood drawn. The phlebotomist/receptionist (this is an exhausting title to write over and over) starts tapping my left arm and then jams the needle in and sits there for about 5 hours. Ok, 5 minutes. And then she starts wiggling the needle and massaging my arm around the needle (I am about to throw up writing this) and then asks me if I have had any water today. I tell her NO, since I wasn't sure if I was supposed to fast or not. She then informs me that my blood is coming REALLY slow and she may have to stick me again. About 3 hours later, (ok, 3 seconds), she disgustedly removes the needle from my arm and tosses the quarter-full tube off to the side while she prepares another syringe. Keep in mind, this lady is a BL candidate and it is lunchtime - she is NOT happy.

So, I suggest she try the other arm. She says no, I'll just go further back on this one. Then, she decides to take a look at my other arm (2-year old still screaming) and realizes I have a much better vein in this one. So, she "sticks" the other arm, fills up the tube in about 4 seconds and is done. I say, "WELL, that hurt a lot less". And she replies with, "Sorry...I should have used a smaller needle".

I am going to throw up now... I left, with the baby no longer screaming, but still in the "back room".