Jason is a DICK

Ok - just to put this in perspective....I am having my throat slit tomorrow morning (maybe, if I am lucky) and I just HAD to blog about Jason.

I understand that maybe the "feelings weren't there" but did he have to dump her at "after the final rose"? And go back to Molly immediately on TV? AWFUL. The line, "You are such a bastard" was amazing and while it may prevent Melissa from becoming the next bachelorette (as well as the stretchy pants that were really shorts), I still love the line. Although I am getting a little tired of the "runner-up" sitting in the chair and knowing exactly how the new runner-up is feeling.

This is a whole new era in Bachelor history - now, all runner-ups are going to hope for a repeat of Jason's "after the final rose".

And can we discuss the HAIR on Molly? And how easily she took him back? And how ugly his tie was? Not to be confused with TY the son who is also somewhat ugly. And I feel ok saying that about the poor kid because with all of the hoopla, I thought the big twist was going to be that THAI had died. And then it was just that he was dumping Melissa for Molly.

OY.

And I CANNOT believe that long face top chef was a model and I can't believe she let that shoddy season 3 runner up (or whatever season she was) ruin her final meal by convincing her to cook shit she never would have cooked. what a DISASTER. but at least stefan didn't win. And.....the first Jewish TC winner, no??

I have to mention Kalai Kalama from AI because he was just AWFUL. TERRIBLE. I can't get over how bad he was and, at the same time, can't get over how GOOD the chick with the pink hair was. I actually voted for her. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Hell's Kitchen is BACK

I love that show. I cannot believe how fat the one guy is or how ugly the lesbian is. Did you notice that on both HK and Top Chef, the little gay guy is the first to go? OUT AND PROUD!! I kind of like Will but Seth seems like he will be an interesting character. I kind of wanted the waiter to go because he was unacceptable but I LOVE that the girl waitress got everyone drunk during the blackout. I think it's a bit unfair that he picked a cute, young girl to waitress for the girls' team and a bad-toothed Giovanni for the men. Fair.

By far, my favorite comment was the girl (can't remember her name but I remember she is NOT attractive) saying that everyone thinks she "is just another pretty face trying to cook." A pretty face???? Are you kidding me?! I kind of love her though, cuz she is so unacceptable.

I am SO glad the bachelor got rid of that girl who didn't belong. And what a fucked up family!! I turned it on just in time to see some Jesus bible thumping (and isn't Naomi Jewish?) and 2 seconds later the mother started in with the psychic and former lives. Ridiculous.

I'm interested to see what happens because I think he likes the pretty blonde the best but she IS young and I think he likes Canada but she's a little too Canada and her hair is a little messy and I think he likes the Sales rep the best but can he really propose without meeting her family?? Molly is so pretty - I'd keep her around too! And the Sales Rep, whatever her name is - I just am not a fan of the "stretchy pants". They are SHORTS. dammit.

BL - the new team I love to hate is the pink team. I can't stand that mother - she is just gross. And she has huge boobs, which will come back to haunt her at some point. And old bearded dad with the TERRIBLE body is awful - why does he never lose any weight? Why does the son have to carry him??

And I'm not a fan of yellow partner who couldn't work out because she has been on campus for 2 seconds and can't work out because her sister's awful husband was there? What the hell is that??

LOVE American Idol and I like the rocker chick and I like the guy whose wife died and I HATE Tatiana (or whatever) who should be shot and I was NOT a fan of the black chick who looks like a hooker.

DAMMIT.

Have you ever.....

Gotten a zit a few days before a big event (I don't know - a dance, a wedding, a date)? Anyway, you are afraid if you wait that the zit will appear JUST in time for everyone to see it so you start to "work" on it a little early. Whoops! Once you start picking, it just gets worse and worse and bigger but now it's too late. You're fucked and your zit is on display - your only recourse is to bury it in your boyfriend's shoulder as they play Stairway To Heaven for the final dance of the night.

Just a thought....

BL Update

I have just a couple of things to say....

While I AM a fan of purple, I think she looks like Shrek. I could say Grimace but that is just a bit too obvious.

JOELLE is awful and I'm glad she's gone although I feel bad for the friend. I LOVE that everyone wrote JOELLE in huge letters and wrote Carla in tiny letters. LOVE that.

And for crying out loud!!!! The BODY on that MAN. REVERSE THE STOMACH STAPLE. Nobody should have to look at that, right??

Back By Popular Demand

I had a request to bring back the blog!! And...a request to weigh in on The Bachelor. Do all of my loyal fans remember when I predicted Jason would be the next bachelor?? Ok - I'm halfway through and he's about to go on his one-on-one with "Naomi" - flight attendant and SO not winning this man. What is she DOING there?? I mean, the old widow is there because she is an old widow. And the other 3 are attractive (with the possible exception of Canada who is just Canada).

And can we address the "stretchy pants"??? Apparently, in MEL's world, stretchy pants are another name for cutoff sweatpants. sweatshorts? I can watch this now becasue flight attendant is flying around Seattle with Jason and it is pointless - if I didn't see her at a preview of the rose ceremony, I would predict she is going home right now. I am NOT a fan of him sending these poor women home in the middle of a date. It's so mean!

Oy - the girls all sitting around the phone kissing old widow's daughter is RIDICUOLOUS.

I love Top Chef, by the way, and I love the chick with the long black face. She has taken a while to grow on me but I love her!

And BL - um....why does Orange fattest ever on biggest loser look more and more like Corky Thatcher with every pound he loses?

Ok - that's all for now. I like Molly and Mel. NOT a fan of flight attendant or old widow. I kind of like the Canadian, just cuz.

I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack. Sorry, fans. I know you've missed me!!!

I'm BACK

Ok - so I've been shoddy but I got a new computer and I didn't motivate to upload the blog address. But I'm here now!! I don't have time to talk now but I just want to say that I HATE Vicky. I hate her so much that I think she can't possibly be for real. Nobody can be that awful. I predict she will be FAT again SOON. Dammit.

I am so shoddy

Ok - so I know I have been absent for a while. Things have been a bit crazy at work - my company was acquired and I have to work with my old lesbian boss (old in both ways) and you would think she would like me but I think she actually doesn't like that I'm an "accepted" lesbian because she is old and had to be a lesbian in the workplace the hard way. Although, I think she is less old than she looks, but that is besides the point.

ANYWAY, it's Halloween and I just have to say that I HATE when people use Halloween to dress up like a slut. It's not about that!! It's about my best ever costume, when J & I were Monica Seles and Steffi Graf and I had a knife sticking out of my back. It's about the Jimmy Kimmel show I saw tonight with "half-and-half" costumes which were hilarious such as, "Cinna-Bono" and "BarAquaman". I loved it!! Not "I'm going to dress up like Little Red Riding Hood so I can look like a slut." I hate that.

I also HATE Vicki and Brady on BL. HATE them. For crying out loud, you are on a FAT loss show and you intentionally didn't lose weight when you still weigh over 300 lbs and you have Bob to help you lose weight and your JOB is to lose weight and all you care about is voting off that sweet mom of the autistic son because her husband is annoying?? I HATE them. I only take solace in the fact that they will be fat again. I have mixed feelings about Heba - I sort of hate her for being friends with those awfuls but she is so damn fat and at least she continues to lose weight.

I especially hate how all of these people are so damn stupid. Like, for example, Heba - she needs to break up her little alliance because the husband-wife team is going to screw her in the end. And the stupid black team voting off the only man was just plain DUMB and they, too, should have split up the mother-daughter team because Colleen, who is already skinny (ok, maybe I'm pushing it) is SO next.

I also want to say that I am at a Science show in Dallas right now and today, in the booth across from me, was a man who was dressed up as a cow. And it was RIDICULOUS. But, I loved it.

I also took everybody out for a ridiculous dinner last night because that is part of my role now and I order bottles of wine from the sommalier (which I can't even spell) and I am just RIDICULOUS.

That's all.... Sorry for the lapse - I am dosing you. Because I dose people. And that makes people wish they had friends like me :)