"Locke" is hot...

As a kid. Did they ever tell us his name? Is it acceptable that they were all dead? Am I too stupid to understand the whole thing - did they all die on the plane crash? Or did they all die some other way? Did they know each other only from the plane crash or did they know each other before the plane crash (prior to)? Was the whole thing a dream? Was it a Heaven vs Hell thing?

Is it inappropriate to think that the dark-haired twin is hot? Jacob was cute, but the dark-haired kid, "Little Locke?" was hot. But look what happened when they got older!! Jacob just started looking like, I don't know, Jacob and Locke-thing just got ugly. Maybe he looked like Seinfeld? Whatever it was, it wasn't hot. But...it was hot as a kid!

I am so glad that Sawyer ended up with Juliette and not Kate - is it me, or did Kate end up looking scabby at the end, just like her boyfriend Jack? Apparently, death made them scabby...

As far as my real favorite show, Bowersox totally should have won, deserved to win and is 1000x better than LEE, but I don't really care. The song with Joe COCKer was ridiculous, but also pointed out how much better Bowersox is than Lee. AND how good that song by COCKer is, and how old he has gotten. And how yellow her teeth are, but still less yellow than COCKer's teeth. Lee seems like a nice kid - he managed to survive being named Lee, has good teeth (important) and had an appropriate reaction. It was an upset, but nothing like the dude whose name I can't remember - Kris Allen is it? - beat Adam Lambert. It was interesting to see them all dressed in white singing - the first one shoot what's her name gained all of Ruben's weight - Kelly Clarkson - poor girl. Fantasia - WUH - who voted for her?? Ruben should have lost to Clay. That gray-haired dude should have lost to anyone, like Sanjaya even. Clarkson was a legit winner and so was Jordin Sparks and definitely Underwood was a good one but the rest...not so much. I would love to see a Bowersox/Lambert duet.

I LOVE THAT YOU LOVE HOUSE

We must have addressed it at some point!! I love it - and I love that he finally got together with the chick who has a big nose but who I find oddly attractive. I love that he loves Vicodin. I love that he knows EVERYTHING. I love that he knows the little Jewish guy is going to cheat on his wife before he does. Is Wilson really from "And the band played on" or was it "In the Gloaming"? Wasn't In The Gloaming THE WORST?? I loved the finale - and I love that the chick who was trapped underground loved House and would rather have his obnoxious wit with her when she died than anyone else. I have the same theory with surgeons - if the bedside manner sucks, he/she is probably a good surgeon! You have to take the good with the bad...

Thank God Sandra won. I was so anti-POVERTY although, in the season of the dumbest moves EVER, her move to give one idol to Jerri and one to Sandra was absolutely brilliant. And how is it possible for Jeff Probst's dimples to become MORE pronounced every year? Does he get dimple implants or something? Or, would those be explants?

GO BOWERSOX!!!!! I am not as enthralled with her as I was a few weeks ago and I think that Lee deserves to be in the final, but I have issues with a guy named Lee. Or a girl named Lee, for that matter. I have NOT seen Lost in weeks but I plan to catch up soon. So don't tell me.

Did anybody see Grey's Anatomy?? OMG (I hate when people use OMG - I much prefer WTF) - but seriously - that episode was shocking. I'm glad that short-haired Mercy West chick is dead and I'm glad the big ugly dude is dead. I wish "I love Derek" was dead and I kind of wish Alex was dead. Do you realize that Lexi is probably named Alexis, making that couple Alex and Alexis? Let's be real - who would ever pick Alex over HOT Sloan? I am even shocked that the lesbian picked the hot blonde, Arizona, over Sloan, even though she prefers chicks. I am also quite glad they didn't kill off the hot black dude with green eyes, or half black. He is hot - is he hotter than Sloan? Hmmmmmm.....

At Least Sandra Has Half a Brain...

First of all, do you think Survivor intentionally edited when Sandra said, "My mother died exactly a year and a week ago" to sound like, "My mother died exactly a week ago"? We had to rewind it a few times to confirm that she wasn't in Survivorland when her mother died. That being said, I have a few other things to say. COLBY SUCKS. I can't believe he has made it this far. Lovable Rupert is possibly the most unlovable thing I have ever seen. I am actually rooting for POVERTY over him (I refuse to spell her name any other way). Although he is out now, so I don't have to root for him OR POVERTY OR Danielle with the moustache.

Thank God for Sandra - I had visions of her keeping the hidden immunity idol in her bra (somebody actually wears a bra on this show!!) while the villains and Rupert and "I suck" Colby voted her off, even though it was the last opportunity to use it. JT and that blonde dude would have kept it under the guise of "having a real souvenir from Survivor" while getting voted off. I am now firmly rooting for Sandra. She is annoying, dramatic, and somewhat awful, but at least she knows what she is doing! A small part of me is rooting for Jerri, but I am having a hard time dealing with her mouth - I'm not sure if it's small teeth or what, but something is not quite right there.

Does anybody watch House? I think it is the greatest show ever. Even though the guy from Dead Poets and "And the Band Played On..." is in it.

I haven't seen Lost for a few weeks so I have nothing to say. As far as AI goes, if the blonde dude makes it to the final, I might just die. He is THE WORST. And I do not find him even remotely attractive. He probably has a hairy back and a small penis.

I'm rooting for Ashley in BL - she isn't running around whining about how she is still fat (like Mike) even though her stomach still hangs down to her ankles. Sunshine turned out to be gorgeous. And I'm not sure how I feel about Sam and that chick dating...I'm happy for Sam, but she was not my favorite. Mike would be dating Ashley or Sunshine at this point of the show....if he wasn't gay.

Alright....I'm back!

Has Hurley become hot??

I just looked up the spelling of his name because I can never remember if it has an "E" or not. It does, apparently. So, has his newfound confidence made him hot? Do you find yourself trying to look at him more closely to see what Libby sees in him? IS he hot and we are missing it? Does he say the word "dude", hotly, or was it his awesome Spanish when he was talking to Richard's dead wife that turned us on?

Jack is so scabby!!! Jon (without Kate plus 8) is getting more attractive as they focus more and more on Hurley, John Locke and Scabby. I think I cried a little during the reunion of Jin and Sun. Is that ridiculous? Is Kate looking a little scabby and are her teeth looking a little yellow?

Are they trying to make John Locke look hot and powerful? He is NOT hot!! I would definitely fuck Hurley over Locke, but everyone over Ben, except maybe Sayid. And, I think I might be Jin over Sawyer, although Sawyer's description of "the pilot" was pretty funny - why does he look like he stepped off the Love Boat? Does anyone remember that show? Were you Gopher or Isaac? I was SO Ace - I'm pretty sure I had a picture of him on my wall when I was growing up.

Why did Desmond run over poor, wheelchair-bound John Locke? I am totally sucked in - I have to admit it.

I will discuss Survivor but only because the moves just keep getting dumber!! I mean, seriously, I didn't think anybody could out-dumb Tyson, but giving Russell the hidden immunity idol? REALLY??? And I don't quite understand why Jeri wouldn't flip over to the skinny/mastermind alliance but it must have something to with the impending merger I don't quite get. Are these people really this dumb???

I love Bowersox. I heard some fantastic Howard Stern commentary on Bowersox - she really does need to do something about the teeth and I'm not sure why she is attempting to "dress diva" instead of just being the crunchy artist she is, but I love her anyway. I am SO glad awful WB dude is gone and I hope Casey goes next!

RAWB IS GAWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Welp - I've been on vacation but that did not prevent me from watching Lost, AI results show or Surviv-UH.

I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY VOTED OFF RAWB!!! I might have to start boycotting the show at this point because of the stupidity - first of Tyson and then of everybody else! I didn't see anything but the end, so I have no idea what the excuse was for voting off Rawb, but I am starting to believe that Russell is the genius (albeit missing a tooth) player everyone thinks he is. I blame Tyson for every inch of this travesty - what an idiot!! Rawb had it all figured out - it could be Russell and Poverty (I refuse to spell it any other way) off the team right now. And Coach!! What a wus - OH RAWB, I DIDN'T VOTE YOU OFF, I voted for COURTNEY - how passive-aggressive can you get?! By voting for Courtney, you voted for RAWB. If the merge doesn't come soon, the villains are SCREWED without RAWB - the show is screwed without Rawb - SHOCKING! By the way, I love the fact that the Surviv-uh powers-that-be controlled this game by forcing the Villains to vote someone off, even though they technically have never lost an elimination challenge. Because of that maneuvar, Tyson was forced to be an idiot and then the rest of the tribe followed suit with the voteoff of Rawb. And even more ridiculous - Jeri's comment, "I'm just not a villain...I just don't know how to be a villian". RIDICULOUS. I vaguely remember when Jeri was on Survivor and I don't remember much, but I know she was a villain!!

Jin is hot. Sun is not. And I think Hurley should be able to speak Korean. Jack is scabby. And Sanjay, I mean Sayid is greasy. Who is the best looking person not named Sawyer on Lost? Shouldn't there be someone who falls in between Sawyer and Jin in terms of hotness? I think so.

Bowersox is the only thing Idol has going for it. I didn't see them sing (yet) but I can't believe Tim Urban is still hanging on by a thread. CW...PLEASE - TAKE HIM AWAY!!!!

So much to discuss....

Ok - so I didn't really catch much (I just spelled it MUTCH, spelt it Mutch) of BL last night, but I saw enough to happily see Lance get voted off and to watch Michael cry. How the heck did that skinny dark-hair chick lose 9 lbs? I love when the black team wins....every year. I am SO glad Lance is gone - he is just the worst (other than his wife), and I am REALLY tired of watching Michael cry. So, I heard a headline that read, "BL Trainer dates a formerly straight star" (or something like that). I immediately thought Michael and Bob were dating but NO! Alas! It's Jillian and the mother of David Silver's baby!!! I love it - GO JILLIAN!!

I'm really not sure (shure) how I feel about Ricardo and the devil and hell - and I am really starting to hate John Locke or black smoke or whatever it is - which I guess means they are doing a good job with making him a villain. I was very upset about the "situation" on the boat with the murders and such and I kind of LOVE the way Hurley can talk to dead people, even if they are long-dead Spaniards (Mexicans? Cubans? Argentinians?) headed for the New World. How long do you think it took for Hurly to learn those few Spanish words? Am I accusing him of being stupid just because he is maintaining that weight on the island or is it because he says DUUUUDE all of the time?

We now refer to AI as "Bowersox". Instead of, "Hey - do you want to watch this week's AI?", we say, "Hey! Let's watch Bowersox". And, I have actually considered saving the recorded AI just so I can go back and watch Bowersox at my leisure (LEZ-jer for the British). The only other time I considered such a thing was when Allison Iraheta and Adam Lambert did the duet - Slow Ride - LOVED IT. I cannot believe Tim Urban manages to keep holding on - he is terrible! He really does need to get picked up by the CW for some teeny-bopper show instead of polluting the AI stage with his terrible voice and horrific dancing. Siobhan looks like she smells - especially in black jeans.

OMG - I am absolutely beside myself when it comes to Survivor - HOW STUPID IS TYSON??? What a fucking moron! I can't believe - Bawston Rawb had a foolproof plan for screwing over Russell and Tyson is an IDIOT. I can't even talk about it. And, while I understand the move to vote off James, the truth is that he was kicking Colby's ass all over the island on one leg. And I hate the skinny thing on Tyson's team. But she's not as dumb as Tyson - why would you do anything but listen to RAWB when you are on his team???

Dammit - now I'm upset.

Why do the heroes suck???

I don't get it. Is it just because Bawston Rawb is not on their team? It celarly was NOT Cirie's fault. I guess we'll see if it was Tawm's fault but, as much as I hate to admit it, I think maybe the pahk the cahs are great at Surviv-UH. I'm not sure why they voted out Tawm when Colby is clearly the weakest team member (including all women and Rupert with a broken toe). I will also say that James the Gravedigger is about 3 billion times stronger than any member of that team, even on one leg. Hell - he has that 3rd leg (aka "the package") to make up for the knee injury. Was Survivor always such a violent game?

I really want to see the villains get villainous, and I think they will have to go to tribal council in order to be a little evil. Who gets evil when they are winning all of the time? The only way they are going to TC is if Bawston Rawb decides to throw the challenge so he can vote off Russell. And I didn't understand why Russell was the BEST surviv-UH play-UH ev-UH until I witnessed his strategy of giving Coach the hidden immunity idol. Of course, Coach is too much of a weanie (yep, that word again) to turn on Russell after getting the idol, which is just an example of Russell's genius! But...Russell is missing a tooth - maybe I DO need to become a lover of the toothless!

I do believe that the heroes are going to lose again next week - they keep showing Rawb threatening to squash Russell for looking for the immunity idol on his own, but he can't vote him out of they never lose and as long as they are doing puzzle challenges, the heroes don't stand a chance! My theory is that as long as they keep showing the strategy of the villians in the previews, it is a sign that the heroes are going to lose...again.

One thing Tom said which was just about the most accurate thing I have ever heard from the mouth of a Surviv-UH. He referred to James as the perfect teammate (not quite how he put it, but that's what I think). He is the strongest, dumbest, (best body) Surviv-UH play-UH the game has ever seen! It's perfect - he helps them win the challenges (as long as they aren't puzzles) and he is so dumb he just does what he is told when it comes to voting...the perfect teammate! The perfect alliance partner! Imagine a partnership between Russell and James?

Tyson and the skinny blonde chick have GOT to go. And I believe she made some sort of bizarre comment about watching her weight which was NOT funny to anybody, anywhere.

Jeff Probst is hot.